Here's all the links that we discussed on this week's episode:
Lil Bit'a News
Search underway for suspected thief who has very large, very hairy feet in Georgia
Canada to prosecute crimes committed on Moon
Johnny Depp laughs in court as bodyguard is asked if he saw actor’s penis
Woman drops phone into nonflush toilet, falls in at Washington national forest
WILD NEWS: Lion Cub Simba Born Using Sperm Extracted By Electro-Ejaculation Process That Killed Mufasa
The Deep Shot
The Josh Allen Proposition
Josh Allen Mean Tweets from his Draft
2022 Draft | Josh Allen Welcomes Elam to Buffalo
Jags extend other Josh Allen
Micah Parsons is a football guy
Scrub My Clip
Spank me daddy
These feet are at your service
Fired up virgins
University of Washington - Join the club
Yank that plank
MOIST CLIP: Queef candles
The device stimulates the animal in two to three second burst. So just.
As you do.
And then you. You look over and. Did you commit? No. OK.
It's this sway parade.
Way welcome into this Sway Parade. My name is Shark Sway and this is the parade. If you're new to the show, here's a quick rundown. It's like any other parade. You sit back, you enjoy. It's a nice, fun time. We cover crazy news we cover the deep shots sports and we round it out with scrubbing some clips. Now, first order of business.
I've been pushing it for weeks now. There's a $50 visa gift card up for grabs. If you had to sway unlimited dot com and sign up for the email list. Be entered in to win.
The listeners will want delicious chewy Rogier.
For those will do the drawing at some point. I will announce that in the future. Also, a bit of insider information from some valuable feedback from listeners. The link tree that can be found in the bios and Instagram at Chuck Underscore Sway as well as add sway parade pod. The link tree there now has direct access to the show links.
So everything we cover here, especially if you're watching on YouTube, everything's blurred mainly. So YouTube doesn't flag it for copyright infringement, but also there's some wild stuff that gets put on here sometimes. So if you want to see those links of whatever's being covered, I mean, in previous weeks there was a baboon splurging and this week we'll we'll get into that.
But you can access all the links, all the news, all the sports, all the clips are right there. Also, scrub my clip uncensored at Sway Unlimited dot com will be available to everyone Same thing. Click that show link in the link tree and you will be brought to the Scrub My Clip pages where you can watch an edited unadulterated of all of the video clips in their glory.
So be sure to check that out. Sway Unlimited e-Comm. The other thing, there's a hotline you can call. It's always open. Telephone is right there. 818275. Sway you call that number. You leave any sort of message. The only catch is it is not screened until we get recording. Now, this week, there are no calls, but that's OK. The line is that much more open for you to contribute to the show in that way.
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Algorithm. It is I again. Week in and week out, praying to you and your glory and your grace in this week is the same as every other week. Asking for your blessings to rank the Sway Parade just a little bit higher on those charts. If you hear this or not, I hope that the message gets to you and your sorting is altered to give the parade.
Just a little.
Bit more of a chance to be heard by the masses. Oh, almighty algorithm. You are all you are divine you are powerful. And to that I bow my head to you.
And give you all my all all of our all.
Amen. All right. With that out of the way, let's get into the news.
What's the big.
Deal, fella? It's just a little bit news.
Top story this week, search underway for suspected thief who has very large, very hairy feet in Georgia. A strange police search is underway in Georgia for a prowler who appears to have monstrous hairy feet and claw like toenails. The man and his fuzzy feet were recorded by surveillance camera at 2 a.m. stealing a child's four wheeler. And there is an image here, if you are watching of that security cam footage right over that child's four wheeler.
And this man completely blown out in white with the camera's quality. But at the bottom, you can see there are those like slippers, those those novelty house slippers of big old hairy feet with the little claws. And this seems to be this person's calling card as he's stealing stuff. So out in Georgia, if you have four wheelers or anything out in the open, be on the lookout for this man and his hairy novelty feat.
Next story, Canada. To prosecute crimes committed on the moon. Last week, we covered Canadian penile length and now we're going in space with Canada's policies. Also we covered the the parliament, the Ministry of Health, tweeting out a porn link instead of virus information. So Canada's it's got a special place in the parade's heart, I tell you that. So take a look at this story.
Canadian lawmakers on Thursday passed an amendment to the nation's criminal code to allow for prosecution of crimes committed on the moon. Ottawa has already extended its jurisdiction over criminal acts committed by Canadian astronauts during space travel to the International Space Station. This clearly is a problem, right? If you need to write legislation for space related crimes. Canada seems to be the first one that's jumping on it.
The update comes as the number of space flights are increasing and the head of the first crewed mission to the moon in more than 50 years is set to launch in May. 20, 24. It's best to get this on paper just to make sure there's no tomfoolery up in orbit and near the moon. Foreign astronauts who threaten the life or security of a Canadian crew member on a Canadian supported space mission could also be prosecuted So it's one of those things, too, right?
In space, it's supposed to be considered, you know, this this space, if you will, that is free.
All the issues. They're going up there to do science in science stuff. And the last thing that I would expect is space borne terrorism. But alas, the Canadians are doing their due diligence to make sure that those Canadian astronauts don't get harassed up in space. Very interesting. I would be. I'm incredibly intrigued to see if this comes to light.
And also, big dick move Canadian ranks 12th in penis size as per the report of last week.
Big Dick moves.
To claim that space and parts of the moon are Canadian. You imagine I mean, I won't get into the the conspiracies here if there is or is not an American flag on the moon. But when they get up there and they throw that Canadian maple leaf right there in the moon soil, in the dirt, in the dust, they're like, this is Canada.
And don't break any laws, OK? We'll see what happens. But yeah, don't don't be harassing Canadian astronauts above anyone else. Because they'll come after you. That's the universe is now Canada. They did. It is polite. Sons of bitches.
They did it Next story.
Johnny Depp did. Johnny Depp laughs in court as bodyguard is asked if he saw actors penis. Now if you're following the news on this whole defamation trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, you're more in the loop than I am. I've just seen little tidbits. It seems to be the absolute worst way to be in court under oath, answering questions that are just outrageously embarrassing.
It's like, did you shit on this bed? Yes. You cut off a finger. Yeah. It's just bringing all of the dirty laundry to light, which is why everyone except me apparently has their eyes glued to this story. But this headline I thought was appropriate to throw up on the parade because it has to do with the penis and its child.
And we just have silly, childish laughs here on the show. So the alleged peeing incident is what is said to have prompted a fight between the pair that resulted in part of Depp's finger being severed. And there is a clip here, little bit of a snippet from this trial. And like I said, I'm not I'm not really privy to what's going on in the entirety of this trial.
I just know that it's probably immensely embarrassing for both parties involved. But they're celebrities. Everyone wants to know what they're doing. And so here we are. So let's take a look at the bodyguard being questioned about Johnny.
Penis. Which where is Johnny Depp American? I just I'm referencing back that the penis report. If he maybe the court and the lawyers just wanted to know how big the Depp hog was. But let's take a look here.
Then you went in the house and saw Mr. Depp in the foyer, correct? Yes, correct. And Mr. Depp was trying to urinate in the floor, wasn't he?
No, Mr.. Mr. Depp had his penis out. Objection. Thank you. Relevance.
I love the next question.
And you were trying to get Mr. Depp out of the house, correct? That's that's the tricky bit of it. If you're under oath and they ask you any question you got to answer truthfully. So that question being, wasn't he peeing in the foyer? No, he wasn't. Johnny Depp just kind of pinching the bridge of his nose, and he's just like, oh, what the fuck?
What are we doing? And then the courtroom starts to laugh and then the lawyer in the back, you can't see it too much from the shot because it's mostly a Mr. Depp in the shot. But he gets up. He's like, objection. Like, are we really fucking doing this? Who really do you need to know if you've seen my client's penis?
Have I? Of course I have. I'm his lawyer. But the this is an objection, Your Honor. Why are we doing this? And that leads to the larger question of this entire thing. Why are we doing this now? Johnny Depp is pursuing the defamation suit against Amber Heard because of the piece she published. You know, surviving domestic abuse. And now everything's coming to light.
There's two sides. And, yes, sure, you got to protect your your reputation, I guess. But it's it's all out there in the open, this public record. And everyone's sopping it up like they probably tried to sop up Johnny Depp's purse. So I thought that was kind of fun. And again, not to get too much in the weeds of this whole trial in court, because frankly, I don't really give a shit, but it's a fun one that now we all know that.
Johnny Depp's bodyguard has most likely not seen this penis. So is your if your lawyer has great if your bodyguard has. I think it's a ritual of trust to, you know, hey, you're going to protect my life. I need to show you what.
You're protecting here. Everything's right here. This here's the depth So next story. Woman drops, phone in, non flush toilet falls in a Washington national forest. A woman was rescued after being stuck inside a non flush vaulted toilet at Mount Walker in Washington State. The unidentified woman that she probably pushed to remain unidentified dropped her cell phone while using it on the toilet at the mountain top.
The woman took desperate measures to rescue her phone, first disassembling the toilet seat and using her dog's leash to latch on to the phone. When that was unsuccessful, she ended up using the dog's leash as a harness to lower herself into the toilet. But again, Mission Impossible stuck.
Here, trying to get her phone in a vat of human shit atop a mountain. The woman reportedly struggled for 15 minutes before she was able to retrieve her phone. Fortunately, my God, fortunately, she was able to get cell service and called 911 to the scene. You can imagine how that phone call went. You kind of smear the shit off of your phone.
You just have to press three keys. 911 call. 911 went to your emergency Yeah. A funny story. I'm in some shit.
Like, literal shit.
On the side of a mountain. OK, we'll dispatch crews and they'll be there soon. She was unharmed, which is, well, physically right. Mentally. Psychologically, I don't think you come back from just taking a dip in the shit. Did not require medical transport though. She was washed down and given a hazmat style suit to wear. Now, I don't know if you've ever ventured into these.
What is the name of them? Faulted non flush, vaulted toilets. Out in nature, they're pretty common at trail heads, especially, you know, here in Washington State. There, there are very abundant, very a lot of trails and a lot of shit that needs to be had before and after your hike into the wilderness. I've used them multiple times and there are, I guess, three personal examples that I would like to share.
Thankfully, I didn't have to venture in and retrieve a phone. But the first one, there's a hike here in Washington State called the Ice Caves, and it's a pretty short hike and it's really cool once you get to the top there. Ice kit, I mean, they're ice caves. And so you go there in a hot summer day and you're getting all that ice melting ice there's some waterfalls, bunch of ice formations, super cool, like literally cool, breezy, really nice.
So when I was a kid, we went out to this hike, and since I was a kid, to this day, I suffer from undiagnosed, has to shit a lot. A very inconvenient times and so I was probably ten, 11 and we're making our way out to the trailhead. It's fairly remote. It's probably like a 45 minute hour drive, maybe longer and halfway through the drive.
Or I could.
Feel it in my stomach. My little ten year old son Meghan was like, Oh fuck, I have to shit. And so I'm, I'm holding it. I'm rocking in the chair. I'm just trying to avoid catastrophe. Feet in my pants. And we finally get to the trailhead. There's the bathroom now. I'm ten years old and I at up until this point, I have frequented many a toilets a man familiar with the whole system, the porcelain.
You sit down, you relax, and it just shoots out of you. That's a day in the life. If you were curious but we get to the trailhead and there's a bathroom. I go in it and there's a toilet, but I don't see any plumbing. There's no lever. I open it up, and I look down in it and mind you, I'm at like a DEFCON five about to shit myself.
And it's just this dark, deep abyss that is before me. And so I'm faced with a very interesting conundrum. I either sit and hover my ass over this abyss to relieve myself, or I just shit myself right there in the bathroom. And as a gentleman and a gentle child, at that point, I opted to sit down and before my cheeks hit the seat, wow, it was going down.
Now it's not the typical plop. It lands in the bowl and you kind of have that sigh of relief of, OK, it's out of my body now. It's just going to hang out until I get to inspect it and see, you know what who what the culprit was. Maybe but instead, because this was a vaulted, no flush toilet, it just fell down into a cavern of shit and it sounded like it was falling for a mile.
It's just big whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.
Brooke gets to the bottom and that terrified me. I was like, I am going to fall in this. I'm ten years old, so I'm not for huge size that I am now. So my my body is not going to be able to support this adult sized toilet. I'm going to fall in to all of this shit. Thankfully, I didn't have a cell phone, but that was that was real fear.
That was real fear. And from that experience and then the other two that I'll get into here in a minute, if I did have a phone or if I'm in that position, I have my phone, I think I'm just going to cut my losses it's not worth it. Now, the next next example, I go on a camping trip every year out to the Washington coast and on that trip, we make a stop in Forks, Washington.
If you're familiar with, you know, Twilight, that's the whole reason this town exists and has an economy at this point. They do logging and they do, oh, this is where Twilight took place. That's our last stop of civilization, of plumbing. So we stop at the hardware store, take our last shits of civilization, and then we head out into the wilderness.
But with me being my undiagnosed conditions, I can't make it from day one shitting at the hardware store and then day three coming back, I can hold that all in. I'm I don't have that skill. I'm very envious of people that do. And it's been done before from my friends. Shut out horns. I know for sure you've done it.
I don't know if there's there's probably a few other guys that are just like, push through it and say, I'm not going to we get back. But there is a vault, a toilet there and it gets used. Now, the trick here is a bit of advice because I've obviously grown up. I've no longer have the fear of falling into it.
It's just a continual feeling of being uncomfortable. But the trick is to shut off your nose.
So don't know smells or get good at that. Your internal monologue could kind of sound like a congested, rattled shrub. You get in there, you plug your nose and you do your business. It's not that bad, but if you breathe.
It's a bad time. Now, the last example of these vaulted toilets is actually down at the beach at this same location on the Washington coast. And this was a surreal experience because this was like an old style outhouse with no doors, which is kind of weird, right? Because there's a bunch of people on the beach camping. So you go with a buddy.
When you bring a buddy, they're standing, look out, be like, nah, he's me shitting in there. Don't don't bother him. But without a door, you're looking out into the Pacific Ocean as you're taking a shit. It's surreal. It's, again, also very uncomfortable. But this pristine and serene views make it all worth it. So I'm hoping that this woman circling back around to the story, I'm hoping this woman had that feeling.
It was big open. You could see the Cascade Mountain range and hopefully she wasn't too preoccupied on her phone to not just look up and enjoy the view. And it might have been so surreal that she looked up and was just stricken with awe and she dropped her phone. And then reality hit. She had to she had to feed it out.
But just a few tips if you're going to use elevated non flush toilets, do that. If you're on your phone.
Lean a little bit forward. So it just falls onto the ground in the dirt and not into the that abyss of shit. Next story in this next story.
Is the wild.
Story and before we get into this friendly reminder, if you find some crazy news, send on my way. I'd be happy to cover it. But without further ado, let's take a look. All idea that some.
Lion cub Simba born using sperm extracted by electro ejaculation process that killed mu fossa. What a fucking headline. My God, this is straight out of a Disney movie. Singapore Zoo has announced the birth of an adorable lion cub, the first in the country to be born following artificial insemination. The zoo has named the animal Simba, Swahili for lion.
If you've seen the lion king, you're probably familiar with this. And a fitting name for the son of a lion called Move Fossa. But this is an out in the African savanna. How nature intended. This is with human and technological intervention. And in that electro ejaculation process. So let's learn a little bit more about that sim father name Mu Fossa, Saadi established was an elderly lion and his semen was extracted.
The process is adapted from animals, animal and even occasionally takes place in humans. The principle across large mammals is essentially the same, however, in that you insert the device into the rectum of the animal you want semen from with the sheath over the animal's penis for collection. This, ladies and gentlemen of the parade is the future technology in milking to create offspring.
And this is from the manual of the AC one Electro Jack later. That's the name of the technology of the piece of equipment. Insert the lubricated probe completely in the animal's rectum with the electro it's oriented eventually, which is towards the front. An upside in a rhythmic motion. Stimulate the animal by turning the power knob clockwise. Pause, return to zero and pause.
Some movement of the rear legs will occur during stimulation. Yeah, you're shocking. What I would assume is the prostate in humans. That's where supposedly the male G-spot is. I can't give any insight to that and never will because I don't want to find out where are we here? The device stimulates the animal in two to three second bursts.
And then you look over and. Did you come yet? Nope. OK, more.
Easy. Easy to do.
Which repeats over the course of several minutes. If no result is obtained, it may be tried again and at a higher voltage. So find your level of voltage of electricity you need to come and you will come. Guaranteed. That's what the cells should be on this AC one electrodes later. Where are we? Here electro ejaculation of an animal demands skill and this is still a quote from the manual of this product.
It demands skill. It is not simply a matter of punching buttons and turning knobs, but requires finesse to find the proper timing and voltage to apply.
Due to move forces age. He was 2020 year old lion and deteriorate eating health. He did not survive the electro ejaculation procedure and was not revived afterwards. This is a perfect example of what you want and you're only going to stand for what you want because they are electrically milking.
This lion is egg gigolo.
They got the semen, they got what they needed and the lion move fossa probably came so hard with all that electricity up his pooper. So get the result out of his wiener that he keeled over and died and they take what was it that they put over the the collection to? What was the word of it? Uh, hello.
And bear with me here. I want this is science, OK? Just, I need to reiterate that this is scientific, so I can't just be like all.
The, the, the.
Country where they they had the sample, they grabbed it. Bear with me here.
Does a sheath.
It's a sheath over the animal's penis for clay. So it's not a bull, it's not a saucer. It's a sheet of cum. So they got that, they shock to move fossa. They're like, oh, we got.
Come, it's coming.
All keeled over and they look over. It's like, do we got to come?
Yeah, we do. All right, let's get.
It into the Lady Lion and let's get ourselves in artificially. Inseminated Cub. And I would hope someone's like.
Who? Foster? He sees you're dying. He's he's convulsing and he's.
We have the seed. We don't need him anymore. And they just let Mufasa die. Probably some zookeeper some handler, some master. Electro Jack, you later person with a scar. Here I.
Is. Just it's gone. No, they don't make you come. And then I'm going to let you die.
Thankfully, Simba wasn't around to watch that, but a part of Simba was in the little sheath. The saucer. This episode of the Sway Parade is brought to you by parade plus supporting members. The Float Goats Shadow to AJ, Joe, Michael Davis, Reverend Tanner, Mills, Quinn and Tyler. If you would like your name, shout it out on each show as I am contractually obligated because they are paying members with premium benefits and you can head to Swain Ltd dot com slash pricing, become a float goat and have your name heard every single week other perks on the site.
Be sure to check it out. Now let's you back to the show.
Go to look at that big belly shark.
You're getting restless. A deep shot all right.
As we all know, this segment of the Sway Parade used to be an entire podcast, the Deep Shot podcast. And over the six seasons that this show was running from.
Well, excuse me.
Season two all the way on to the very end, it became and morphed into this Josh Allen program, which as you can see, if you're watching, we have the facsimile sign, Josh Allen, little eight by ten picture and then the legitimately signed Josh Allen, Buffalo Bills football helmet. Now a little bit of back story. If you do not know Josh Allen and the reason we're talking about this, because the NFL draft is going on as big as this is being recording.
But four years ago on that fateful day, the bills took Josh Allen in the first round and that was essentially the birth of the Josh Allen obsession and fandom here on me personally and on the program. So I pulled the video that was posted on the Deep Shot, the Josh Allen proposition. Now, the bet was with Josh Allen coming into the bills.
The bills were not a good team. They were dog shit with him coming in as a rookie. Could the Bills win six to nine games that season and the bet was six games. We would get Josh Allen's jerseys which I've worn on this show already. You'll see it again. Big Blue, Buffalo, Blue, 17. And then if they won nine games, we'd get Josh Allen full blown jerseys.
Well if you look back on it and that season 2018 they won six games so we got the shirts these and here's a clip from an episode of The Deep Shot big throwback of how it kind of all came together.
If the boys were so sure we should all get Josh Allen's jerseys, I'd be six games about 96 is pretty far.
Six upside down it's a nine now.
I see the nine.
Six it's like two jerseys but shirts nine. So there was a great deal of pictures and I'm from jerseys. Yes. Let me look at their schedule. They're not winning six games. Yeah, they're not winning six game winning six games. Low and behold.
They did. And the lure of Josh Allen in my life began. Now, the next season is how this helmet came to be. They had to win ten games and they did. So I bought the signed Josh Allen helmet. And then the year after that, I honestly, it's been enough time and I haven't gone through with the promise. But whatever that agreement was, I think it was they had to make it to the AFC Championship or somewhere deep in the playoffs.
It was one of those years I know it's only been four years, but brain is scattered. That bet was I would in bills mafia fashion slam through a table. This is not yet happened, but it's going to, I guarantee it. So a little bit of of a foreshadowing of sorts, a promise that I had made many moons ago still sits in my head.
I'm still thinking about it. It's going to happen. So Josh Allen, of course, now one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. So the Bills didn't really need to worry about.
Backing him up in the depth chart. So they win with a cornerback building up the defense and that is Kyler Elam out of Florida drafted him and he got a one of the best welcomes to Buffalo that you could get as a Buffalo bill. This is him at a Buffalo Sabers game, the ice hockey team with Josh Allen here and Dawson knocks a tight end country strong previous nominee there at the game and over the announcement well hey, look it's clear and Josh is like this is the guy right here.
This is that guy. Welcome to Buffalo Champ So that's team chemistry right there. This is a team that is going to the Super Bowl. I hope I won't go as far as to get a tattoo, but I like to think that. So that's who they got. That's who you have in your corner with Josh Allen. Good guy. Josh and the Bills tweeted out and I mentioned had been four years since he was drafted.
They brought back the tweets, the mean tweets like what they've done on Jimmy Kimmel or whatever the late night show is. They did this on the Buffalo Bills Twitter. I'm not going to run the whole video because it's how long is this those almost 2 minutes. I'm not going to fill 2 minutes of airtime with Josh reading mean tweets, but it's tweets from Buffalo's Twitter.
When they selected hey, we picked this guy from Wyoming, Josh Allen, ninth overall, seventh overall, top ten, whatever it was, you should be excited and a lot of the tweets that he read were not excited and they're pretty mean. I pulled a few sound bites, which I will try and incorporate into the show moving forward with everything that we do.
But here are kind of the highlights from the mean tweets of Josh reading them.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Joke's on you, because that was a fantastic pick.
Damn it! No! Why can we never get things right?
No, they got it very right. And lastly.
You guys are total idiots. Yeah.
Those people probably feel a little bit different now because Josh Owen is a fucking stud. Hopefully he'll win MVP all right. Moving on in the deep shots, staying in football, but still meshing in that ice hockey. Michael Parsons, rookie last year for the Dallas Cowboys. He's a he's a stud. And he was highlighted on hard knocks as the new he was a first round pick by the Cowboys.
He just he loves football. But now, you know, his his reputation is growing. He's becoming a household name especially in Dallas. And then among the league, he's a he's a rising star on the defensive side of the ball. So they had him go to I think I don't know, hockey. I really don't I brag that my fourth cousin six times removed one Stanley's cup in 2012 but I mean I've ice skated once hockey's neat it's just one of those things I haven't gotten into yet but they have him go out to I think it's the Dallas stars to do the puck drop kind of the ceremonious.
Ritual of sorts there's jerseys they hook them up with and he's going to drop the fox icon.
In this area so Michael Parsons walks out onto the ice with the puck and gets to the end of the rug to protect him from slipping and sliding on the ice. And then he just takes the puck and is like.
All right I dropped it.
Not knowing that you were supposed to wait for both captains or both players to come up and speak all right. Here's the puck drop. Like let's let's play hockey. He just dropped it.
You got to wait for.
He's looking around. He's like, I dropped it. Did what you guys asked me to do.
He was ready to drop the puck. Well, someone's got to give them the exactly the instructions. They're what he's supposed to do.
So drops the player comes over, he picks up the puck. He's like, sorry, champ, you got to do that again. That's not how we do things here in hockey land.
The puck gets the follow up. He read the lineup in the locker room before the games. You're going to enjoy it up there.
And he dropped and he kind of did this like embarrassed, like shoulder move back of legs.
All right, there you fucking go.
Like I play football. That's all I do. I live and breathe football. Don't ask me to do this again.
But if you do, I know how to do it.
Last year, before getting the country strong, the other Josh Allen.
In the league.
Linebacker for the Jacksonville Jaguars, a team that's not that good, but they have the second best Josh Allen in the league. So that counts for something. They exercise his fifth year option. So he's going to be playing in Jacksonville for another year. And he's he's got to look out for a good player. He actually ended up picking off Josh Allen picked off Josh Allen last year and I think ran it back or.
Might score I don't know.
As you can probably tell with everything on this show, don't accept it for absolute fact, I'm not an encyclopedia of all this knowledge of.
Like oh yeah Josh Allen Jaguar Josh Allen he recorded this.
13 sacks and and had.
Tackles and I don't know that I just know his name Josh Allen he's a good football player so if your name is Josh Allen.
You're probably a good football player. All right time to get underway. Strauss just don't play the week all right we got here is a country strong on the pool side. I have.
Frozen right now before I get any new it just to set it up. This is a coach's drone man.
Live walking, gliding up to a diving board at a pool and now bring in Curtis strong style back flip is well this man is easily £400 in the air again falling in the water.
Look at this shot flip oh country strong Oh Mark goodness look at this scale this could you throw me in jeopardy in the water?
Oh, you would think that that would be a belly flop just.
Given the stature of this here man country.
Strong man but no pure elegance on the diving board. Oh, Curtis strong.
So this is Zeke Sanchez. He's a public figure. According to his Instagram account with six posts. He's a class of 25, which is three years from now. He might still be in high school. This could be a country strong.
Boy that's going to grow up to be a country strong. My arm.
And he's got six posts and five of them are him jumping into.
With his country, strong girth back flip. Oh, I don't know much about diving, but I know that if you're of that size and you're making your body contort in such a way that you must be going to a strong.
Oh, yeah. I would venture to guess that when this when this boy, when this country strong boy goes.
To these meets and shows off his diving skills.
The crew and the pool needs to make sure that that board is all reinforced because of this.
Country strong. This check out one more.
Oh, face Mack. Face in the pool, arms out. He is a god country strong oh, Zeke Sanchez, my boy, you're going to be coach. Great. So OK. All right.
That does it for the deep shot. Let's get in to scrubbing some.
Scrub my clip Scrub my clip segment this week. I would love to say at some point in time sponsored by, I don't know, sponsors checked out the scrub my clip, which is by far the raunchiest of this show if they'd want a sponsor. But if you're interested in becoming a sponsor this way, period, just let me know. First clip here.
Take a look at.
This for a good long while. So we have.
So this is Google Translate in English typing out Spank Me, Daddy. And I think we've all messed around on Google Translate to see how what sounds funny in other languages or how can I insult someone in their native tongue? Let's take a look. Spank me.
Daddy in English give me an clap, Papa.
So spank me. Daddy in Dutch is kiss me on clap, papa. Oh, this seems like a fun language.
Number five. Oh, oh.
Oh, that's foul. Oh, so this.
Is on a beach or at least on sand. A person holding the camera. If you're listening, you're watching you. What's blurt out? But you can check out the show so you can see what a what we're taking a look at but he has a tortilla. Looks like a nice run of the mill corn tortilla. Goes up to this goes up to this.
This pan that has some meat or whatever the the the goodies that are going to go on to this tortilla to enjoy from the person taking this video and serving him up is a foot that reaches in to the pan.
And scoops up.
The grub with his feet with his toes and places it on the tortilla.
And it looks.
Like it's shrimp. Doesn't do it once. Doesn't like the grab of just one foot and toe does it twice. And there you have a tasty sandy beach meal, compliments of this foot giving you snake bite the foot that feeds you. You're not biting the hand. You're biting the foot. Oh, that's that's gnarly. Next clip. What do we got here?
All right. Yeah, that's hey, don't fuck it straight. You get off and gouge it out. I get got your chakras more than my environment. Why are you not up just by yourself? Yeah, I thought he was. I thought I heard. You don't want to see I.
Decide to make this series.
What so if you're listening, I hope your imagination brought you someplace fun.
Because this clip.
Just making an argument for something that is fun and should just be for fun. Not fun. And what is it? It's a call of duty tournament. A big LAN party. This isn't like a hotel conference room. They did this tournament. They have real. It looks like a gamers wet dream of a computer lab in a school because they got all the rugby and the keyboards and then the fans on the PCs, and they finish a game of Call of Duty.
And this, I believe, is where sportsmanship dies is in the e-sports realm because, well, from what you just listened to or watched, the game ends and then it's just a pissing match of shouting, you're.
Dog shit, you're dog water. Fuck you. Get out of here. Go on.
There's the door you suck at holding a controller or pressing keys and making guns fire hard. This this is what happens when young men are forced into being in cells and only playing video games. There's no pussy to be had on this floor. Just reloads and kills, shrieks.
And a lot of.
Pent up rage and excitement for the winning team. Rage for the losing team.
Don't fuck it straight.
You and of course, they're shouting in between a row of these computers. They're not going to get in each other's faces. It's like two dogs fighting behind a fence. You open up the fence, it's like, oh, shit, now what am I supposed to do?
But to prove.
Your worth on the call of duty battlefield and then just berate your opponent who lost make them feel like a piece of shit because they are their fucking noobs. They're they have Walmart, Internet, all of the insults you can think of that you hear online. It's now transitioning into the e-sports. And this is it. This is competition new.
Imagine the class or the lack of class in other professional sports because I'm not going to knock EA Sports as not being a legitimate sport takes a lot of mind fortitude. Being able to to click and to press keys. I can't do mouse and keyboard when I game. I can't. So I have I have some respect for that, but it's like it's just it's just toxic.
It's like, why not just like, good game jigs, bro?
I'll see you next year. But of course we're missing the events that led up to this to this pissing match. Over Call of Duty. But yeah, I mean, that's a sport you want to get into. If you love search and destroy lobbies, these sports are for you. Check it out. All right. Next clip this is I don't know what the game is called.
We're sticking in video games. So these are one of those mobile games. It looks like it's like Clash of Clans or something. And this is a promo video. And you have these green goblins getting loaded into a cannon to be shot out and they're just going down the line. One after the other, cramming them in, loading up the cannon, ready to blast whatever they're advertising for this game.
But they slowed it down and the first goblin goes in head, first ass out, the next goblin behind it's eyes get wide and look like, oh.
Look at that body.
And in slow motion, oh, in slow motion, the guy, the character who's loading up these goblins into the cannon loads up the first one head first and then goes to grab the second one to do the same. Thing to load it up. And the animators of this promotion put the second goblin, his eyes get wide, and as its face is getting shoved into the ass of the first goblin, it opens its mouth and sticks out its tongue.
And then once its face is planted on the ass, of the goblin, close his eyes like.
Oh, so Gordon, juicy little.
Details you have to pay attention to the minute things that go on in our world, like how goblins, I guess, like to eat ass from this game. I've never played Clash of Clans or whatever this is, but makes me think twice about maybe using my phone to mobile games. And tell you what, if you play in the tournament and you're like, I'll eat your ass, I eat your ass on that round, you suck balls.
You never know. In this game, the opponent would be like, Well, yeah, you did want to do it again next clip is actually an image, and this is at the prestigious University of Washington. We'll try to pull in as tight as I can. There's a screenshot of a Snapchat, and there's a poll on campus that has, you know, your typical fliers at a university.
You know, I don't know. There's some ladies face here. I don't know if that's a campus streaker. There's some yellow posted notice. But then at the bottom of the poll of of where everything is posted, there's a piece of paper daintily taped on that reads Huskies who jack off. Let me back up the Washington University University of Washington W that purple W and then Huskies who jack off and then a big 72 point Microsoft word font like porn question mark then right below it join us Thursday this was April April 28 this was a few days ago from when I recorded this so this this just happened in savory 260 at 7:30 p.m. There's no more
context out as to what happened in savory 260 at 7:30 p.m. on Thursday, April 28th at the University of Washington. But if you're biggest font on your flier is like porn. Join us. This is like a good old fashioned college circlejerk. Soggy Waffle.
I'd love to learn more and I know that there's a good amount of listeners here in Washington State they'll listen to the show. If you know anything about this, about this club, if you attend the Washington University of Washington and you missed this one, but there might be a next one, I would love to learn more about what exactly this is or is this a very intellectual conversation about the greatest porn stars to ever live and like an exposé on the discourse of pornography in our society, you know, make it more academic OK?
Or is it just like, all right, take these VR head goggles and we're all going to watch the same video and the first person to come wins? I don't know. Like I said, let me know if you're in Seattle, University of Washington, go cougars. By the way, I don't know if this is happening over Washington state, but win or lose for the Huskies, they still jack off, I guess next clip, I.
Got another one for the girls. How about no ministration march? You cannot ministry in the month of March. Yes, it's a good idea.
So this chap is challenging women to not ministry for a whole month. We missed March this year, but maybe no ministration march will catch on like no, not November for the guys. Yeah, the ministration. You heard it right.
I got another one for the girls. How about no ministration march?
You can't ministry. And I looked it up once. I watched this because i was like, that's not menstruation but ministry this thing in minestrone. Is it is it a type of soup that he's confusing the word with? But ministry is actually a word I'm like Google is really quick and give you a definition because we're we're learning we learn words here on the parade.
A few weeks ago we learned the Latin term for the pull out method, the ejector seat, Invictus or whatever it was now that's menstruate. No, no, no. OK, hold on, men straight. It is a word so it's a verb. It's to minister or administer. So administration administrate things by admitting administer I don't know women, I guess. Try not to menstruate next March.
I know how difficult that will be in your day to day lives.
Next clip. Let's take a look here. What do we got.
I got one.
So it starts out if you're listening, just a girl on a sidewalk doing doing some poses, you know, for the gram, whatever and then it turns very quick, takes a turn because she breaks her pose, and then another girl enters into frame and then they just start going at it, start fighting and this, of course, as you are listening, is not in English, but I would like to think that this is, you know, the equivalent of it might be Spanish.
I don't know. I don't know, frantically screaming non-English words. I'm not going to put a language on it. But if you use your imagination, you don't know the language, they're screaming. And it kind of sounds like it's like crazy UFC commentary.
La la la la la la la la la la la la oh. By Ellicott I like a.
Fall bow grab. The hero should get his. You got it in the ring. Oh.
I plan on I was on was la la la la la la.
So up until this point, right? It's like, why are we watching and listening to just like a catfight on the side of the street? It's like, well, there's a reason. It's not just because of violence and we're going to kill that primal urge. No. Take a look what happens next.
Oh, did you see that.
In the blurbs on YouTube?
Oh, it's so what.
You can't see on YouTube. And I would never allow this. The channel would get completely just obliterated just like that. The girl who was posing at the beginning.
Yeah. What's up? Yeah, Instagram. Follow me.
Is on the ground with the other girl. They've they've been skirmishing for a little bit of time, as you've heard, but then it shows her backside covered and she shit herself during this fight. Now, I would like to think, right, if you're you know, chillin out doom poses just hanging out, you know, and then you get into a fight.
I would assume that that this isn't like me trying to use the toilet at the ice caves and about to shit myself. This seems like it's a defense mechanisms I whole fight if I shit myself, you're not going to want to be here anymore. Why not right now. It might be it might be Spanish. I heard cock and I know that shit oh.
So she's got she's got due to that seep through her pants. And the other girl she was fighting with, you can see her foot.
And I heard, oh, god.
Her toe has their toes. All of her toes have.
This slimy do doo all over them. Oh. Oh, God.
Oh. I usually like I screen these video I watch she's before I start recording and I'm like, oh, this is pretty wild. And it's got to be the lights and the cameras because I'd like it's like the baboon come in and eat and it says.
Oh, poo on the foot. Oh.
So if you check the shellings and watch it, the question I have for you, who won this fight? Because before the pool it seemed like it was it was pretty even. I mean, they got on the ground. They're pulling hair, you know, typical catfight. And you'd see them all the time or sometimes. But does the girl who put herself, does she win the.
Or is she the loser? Let me know, like unsubscribe, subscribe while you're at it. Oh.
So this appears to be at a carnival. You know, there's there's lights all around. It's got kind of that purplish bluish hue to it. Kind of a fun time and night at the carnival. And there's this game. And the best that I can describe it is it's like a inverted Whac-A-Mole, right? We all know Whac-A-Mole. You have you're you're playing you have all the holes.
And then the mole comes up and you whack it pretty standard carnival game. You pay some tickets, you might win a prize, whatever. It's a good time. This one is vertical. It's a wall.
All the holes like Whac-A-Mole. But instead of moles popping out, they look to be penises or dildos or something. Oh, and the name of the game is when it pops out, you are to grab it and tug it. And as you tug it, you get more points. And this is a head to head battle. So there's that center box, and then there's two players on each side.
And there might be, I don't know, ten dudes in this box just pushing their wieners through to grab it. I think everyone wins in this situation. But interesting carnival game, like just jerking and then it pulls out and then another one comes and you're jerking it. You're trying to go skiing she's already got two to.
One that 215.
To 20. He started with like 30 points. Each tug is five points I've never seen this game before. I don't know where this is at, but I give it a shot. I feel like I'd be pretty quick with the poles and the jerks and I could give you five points, 5.5 points, five points and at the end, like I said, everyone wins.
OK, let's get into the moist this clip to round out this show.
This next clip is so moist.
And at the beginning I mentioned and I've mentioned a few times in this episode, everything here on YouTube is blurred. If you're watching the screen over here that actually shows the screen that's showing the videos, it's blurred out, it's fuzzy. You can't really make out what's going on in this voice. Clip is a perfect example of why this needs to be done.
Let's take a look and then I'll break it down for you.
That's the form on my the whistle button, which is how easy.
So listening to it, you hear this little pop at the end of pretty unassuming sound. But after I explain to you what this moist clip is and it's this.
There'll be some more context to that little pop cell video starts out, there's a person holding a candle and it's in between their legs and they kind of lift up their shirt and lo and behold, a barren vagina, no panties, no nothing.
That's a full moon.
And she holds the candle up, you know, about know, six inches away from her cooter whistle. And you think she just needs to warm up her couch, you know, but then all of a sudden.
The the the the.
Labia majoras and the menorahs and the clitoris and all that female anatomy looks to be.
In like a muscular reflex and then sweeps out a pocket of air and it blows this candle out. And this is a healthy flame. Like, this is like a Catholic style candle.