Here's all the links that we discussed on this week's episode:
Lil Bit'a News
Canadian penises 12th biggest in world, U.S. comes up short at 59th, study finds
Police come 40 minutes after public masturbator does
Quebec’s Ministry of Health apologizes for tweeting a link to a PORN video instead of a COVID page
Farts definitely smell worse in the shower
WILD NEWS: Man assaulted hotel employee with wizard wand
The Deep Shot
The Match - Tom Brady & Aaron Rogers vs Patrick Mahomes & Josh Allen
Pittsburgh Maulers USFL coach explains cutting player over pizza/chicken salad incident
What is the USFL? Will it suffer the same fate as the AAF and XFL
Best names on each USFL Team
Scooby Wright III - LB BIRMINGHAM STALLIONS
Will Likely - CB - HOUSTON GAMBLERS
Joey Magnifico - TE - MICHIGAN PANTHERS
Angelo Garbutt - LB - NEW JERSEY GENERALS
Nigel Chavis - DE - NEW ORLEANS BREAKERS
Nasir Player - DE - PITTSBURGH MAULERS
M.Lewis Lewis CB - PHILADELPHIA STARS (as per the USFL roster page)
Vinny Papale - WR - TAMPA BAY BANDITS
Down in the dirt
Scrub My Clip
Driving Mrs. Puff
Influencers only at Coachella
You can’t censor the vibe
All bikes no riot
Dogs > Cats
How my wife thinks women act when she’s not around
MOIST CLIP: Kilt Tricks
This is 45 seconds of a race. Imagine the whole thing. Each is coming. Throwing the back in the wonder if you know. Can you see me, Tokio? It's this Sway parade with Chuck Sway.
Welcome into the Sway Parade. My name is Chuck Sway. And this is the parade.
Just like any.
Other parade. Pull up a seat. Sit back and enjoy the festivities. And those festivities are crazy news. Deep shot sports and scrubbing some clips.
Now, if you want to win a.
$50 Visa gift card for free. Head on over to sway unlimited dot com Click that subscribe the email subscribe button at the top left corner. Be entered to win. Now lot of things that we have going on here A lot of moving parts. There's a discord. There is premium plans and all that.
We'll get into a.
Little bit of that later. But the the my favorite part the most important part in my mind, among other things, is this way parade hotline 818275 sway. You call that number, you leave a message. It doesn't get screened until this very moment of being recording. The phone's right there.
Pick it up and dial.
And let's head to the first call for this week.
Oh, hi, Sway. Yeah, hi. I just I had something I wanted to share with everybody here because I feel like this is something that, um. You know, it's really changed my life, but I have been wearing. Well, first of all, I'm a big boy, you know, big man while of a human tree. Like, I. I've been wearing a this leather built for, oh, ten years, easily.
Probably more than that. I've been only wearing these very stiff leather belt, you know, kind of, you know, belt, you know. Well, words. I recently got to golf films it's very flexible that it just you can kind of latch it anywhere you want. And I got to say, my quality of life has improved dramatically, and my pants are always in the position that I wanted them to be.
And it's not in between notches. It's not, you know, hurting my hurting my gut. I don't know. I wanted to share that with people I hope everybody finds a belt that works for them. I know.
All right. Thank you. Caller, I believe that was the Reverend Tanner Mills calling in, talking about the joys of a nice belt. And I can agree with that. But just as a spectator, because to date, I have only.
Two belts in my life and he had mentioned in the call, right. That good, nice quality leather belt keeping those pants held up. It has one function and for the most part, most all belts do a pretty good job at performing that function. But the first belt that I ever had was my grandfather's. He passed away and I took a look at a pile of old stuff.
I was like, I'll take that shirt. I will take that jacket, and ooh, look at that belt. So I, I wore that belt for years. To the point where the notches had deteriorated and it had to be put out of commission. Then the next belt that I got was one of those cheap, like the kind of like zip tie.
So it's not an actual, like, buckle. You just slide it through and it snaps all together. That's my daily driver when it comes to belt wearing. The only problem is, is that one is starting to get worn out because unfortunately, as my gut continues to grow, that belt is holding tighter and tighter on for dear life. And it's one of those two are the actual head of the belt there's a little hinge, I guess you could call it, on the head that has these spikes down it.
And the idea is, is you insert the belt into the buckle and then you push that lever down and that seats it into the pleather. I, I spent like 15 bucks on it so it, it's not leather, but those binds are starting to deteriorate. And not two weeks ago I was bowling probably the most physical activity I have done in probably the last year.
And I swung my ball, went down the lane and I turned around to do a little nice shot, huh? It's not a gutter. And on my exhale, it went and it popped out. So, Tanner, thank you for calling in and spreading some good knowledge and very solid advice to get a good belt because I think this is going to impact me to invest in a better belt where it can withstand the girth of my belly.
So, Tanner, thank you for calling in and something like that. I mean, that that is a typical call into the Sway Parade that's just talking about belts last week or two weeks ago, there was plant come from a caller just talking about all the pollen in the air. So give a call, 818275 sway. Share your thoughts, share your experiences.
Share what it's like to have a good belt. Now, moving on, we're in the digital age and we're not turning back. And therefore, everything we do in the digital space is subject to sorting by an algorithm. Right takes the information, decides, OK, this is what you want to see. I will show it to you. This is not really popular.
Not a whole lot of people are liking it. So I'm going to cast it off to the side. So in my material, human form, I'm doing the best that I can to tap into that algorithm. But from a spiritual sense, I feel it is appropriate to play or pray to the almighty algorithm. So at this time, if you're in a position where you can safely do so, please bow your heads as we pray pay.
It's not an ad it's not an ad spot. It's not sponsored. It's a it's a prayer. I'm sorry. It is a prayer. I would never pay you accept with my sacrifice of creating content anyway about your heads. And let's pray.
It is. I chuck visiting you once again in this ethereal space, pleading and beckoning for your blessings.
Your sword is pure, and I abide by every decision of it. But I ask you, Grant an additional bump in those podcast charts because almighty algorithm, I give you my all sacrifice and struggle to you. Almighty algorithm. Amen.
Well, we'll keep praying every single week. And my eyes had to adjust a lot of lights in here. I went to a space there. They did. But we'll keep praying. Will our prayers be answered? Well, it's only one half of the battle. The other half is you just taking a few seconds, hitting like five stars. Nice review if you want to.
If you don't like it, move on. OK, now that we have that out there to the almighty algorithm, get into the meat and potatoes of the show, starting with the news.
What's the big deal, fella? It's just a little bit news.
First story, Canadian penises, 12th biggest in the world. US comes up short and 59 study finds. Now, before we dove into this, you're probably thinking, oh, boy, or another penis size report Well it is the average size of a Canadian penis. And mind you, this was written in Canadian Journal in a Canadian publication. The average size of a Canadian penis came in 12 in the world, whereas Yankee Doodle dealings came in at 59th place.
Now it says the study was used Google to get the results and also everything was self-reported. So big skew there. But I'm curious if they were looking at Google data of users around the world if they just compiled it by search terms of is X amount of inches small for a penis and then that just got put on that report like ok I guys for solid for we got it men in Ecuador are the planet's most well-endowed with an average penis size of 6.9 inches.
Thanks when erect. It's a very important distinction. Not everyone's a shower a lot of growers out there. So I took it upon myself to look into notable people from Ecuador and speculate on their endowment. An easy Google search not what's the biggest penis in Ecuador, but just people from Ecuador. And I didn't recognize a single goddamn name except my judge, who I had no idea was Ecuadorian.
We all know Mike, Judge, Beavis and Butthead, King of the Hill, just been in the game for a long time, and I guess he was born in Ecuador. So if he if that's his origins, one would.
Assume that he could be.
Packing. But other research on like his Wikipedia page, very credible. I think he was just born there. I think mom just happened to be there. When the water broke and it's like, oh, hey, look, he's Ecuadorian. And then his penis magically grew like the Grinch. And yeah, here the study had one caveat. The results came from self-reported data, leaving open the possibility that participants may have taken some liberties with their assessments.
If you ask a guy, Hey, I need you to measure penis, it's going on a report. Now go into that room and you can shut the door. Here's a tape measure. Come back, just tell me what you find, OK? And then we're going to publish it. So it's I don't think we'll ever have a perfectly accurate representation of the schlong of the world, but we keep trying, and we're going to continue to try.
Why? Look, into the important issues around the world when we can dove into. Probably the most important issue in human history is who has the biggest.
I'm also curious, too, because this is not the first of its kind in terms of a report like this, and it is surely not the last. But is there a direct correlation between the highest and lowest or biggest and smallest, I should say, countries when it comes to penile length as it comes to the woman's anatomy. If Ecuador that Ecuadorians are packing 6.9 inches, does that mean that Ecuadorian women have a beefier clams or like, I don't know, curious.
But here's the thing. No. One, I'm curious, right? I'm very curious, but no one cares. No one's concerned of their the clam size for the most part. Right. But when it comes to a deck of shit, who's got the biggest deck? They did publish a chart here. And this will be up on the screen if you're watching on YouTube with a breakdown of 86 countries.
So they didn't get the full kit and caboodle. There were few that I was looking for just out of General Curiosity. Some people that I know on my huh, where do they rank on this? And then, of course, myself, I was like, OK, not Ecuadorian, not from Cameroon, not Bolivia. And let's see here. And then I think I landed on Italian, which 19 is pretty good.
But this is interesting, this column here. So we have, you know, centimeters to World Report and then inches and then percentage of height. And so this I.
Did a little.
Bit more digging in to see what that could have entailed. But I think they took average height of people from these countries and then this reported average dick size and then gave a percentage. So Ecuadorians, if you're with an Ecuadorian man and he pulls out his packer at the ten and a half percent of his body height is in his deck.
And that's not like standing up. And if you were to take his dick, cut it off and then place it on the floor next to him and then take a measurement, oh, that's one 10th of you. Damn, I thought that was pretty interesting. Let's move on to the next story. You police come 40 minutes after public masturbator does a man in Long Beach, California, sat in a chair in front of a hair salon during business hours and masturbate ed as he looked through the window.
It took police 40 minutes to arrive, which by that time the man had vacated the premises first responders, when you come first don't need to worry about it at 40 minutes. This is a broad daylight sitting in a chair outside just and jerking it in front of a salon, making everybody uncomfortable. And then, like any normal, typical citizen, like, oh, there's some fucked up shit, I'm going to call the police and you get put on hold the name of wonder.
Oh they'll be with you shortly. I wonder if they should install like they have, like, the pizza trackers and the when you order, like, Uber Eats, you see where the car is. They should do that for 911 responses. Just be like, all right, there they're not going to be here for a while. All right. Taking matters into our own hands and beat the shit out of this guy, this jerking it on the side of the road.
Next story, Quebec's ministry of health apologizes for tweeting a link to a porn instead of a covered page. Quebec's Ministry of Health and Social Services apologized after it accidentally tweeted out a link to a porno video instead of the government's site. The Canadian Agency, which which has more than 103,000 Twitter followers, tweeted a link to a foot fetish porn on Thursday and more than half an hour passed before officials corrected the error.
I found the tweet, or at least a screenshot of the tweet. It was a chart with some covered stuff. The Hey, this is how covered hanging out in Quebec right now. Click on this bit.ly shortened URL to view the data and you click on it and you find Femdom feet worship on pornhub and it was up for half an hour.
It's one of those things like professionally, I work in social media and I send out newsletters I do all of that stuff, and I cannot tell you how many times I'm double checking stuff. Do the links, work the feeds, all good grammar, is tight, so I can't this is a I work for a very small company. This is a Ministry of Health for a province in Canada.
You can't just double check that making sure, especially too, because you're taking the time out of your day at work to be like, oh, I really need to see some feet. And that's just happened to be what I assume happened was it was attached to the social media manager's clipboard and when they pasted it into the bitly, then they're just like, Oh, that's, that's the link.
There you go. And then just set it and forget it. Half an hour later, mentions are blown up. Be like.
Hey, this isn't covered information. This is feet and penises.
The ministry later tweeted.
Due to a situation.
Beyond our control, a link with inappropriate content was posted on our Twitter account. We are looking for the causes. Here's the thing. Whoever has access to that Twitter account, it's a short list of people. You put them in a room, you interrogate them, good cop, bad cop, be like, listen, we need to get to the bottom of this.
This is unacceptable. We are a proud ministry and who they're trying to shake down for the culprit I, I would imagine just sitting there hands back like it wasn't me that I don't even like feet. Then the bad cop comes in it's like, oh, yeah, it lifts up his pant leg, their pant leg. I mean, the gender, it lifts up their pant leg, removes their sock and starts wiggling their toes.
And he said.
Are you doing there?
What what do.
You do with your feet? Yeah, you like that? You like when I twinkle my toes.
That's how you find the guy. Situations beyond your control is bullshit. 100% bullshit. Just show feet to the people who have access to the Twitter and you will find your person who tweeted that inappropriate link. Now, next story. Farts definitely smell worse in the shower. Hussein Abda clinical director at Medicine Direct says and this is a mislead well will get into it says there is no evidence that farts smell worse in the shower than anywhere else.
However, the environmental factors are the ones that make the smell much more noticeable. It's kind of a double ended sentence, like there's no evidence that it changes the smell. However, where you're at changes the smell smells subjective, right? So like roses are going to smell similar to most people, but it's not all the same. It's subjective. The first reason is that you're naked and this is why your farts do smell worse in the shower.
First reason is your naked when you fart while dressed, some of the smell and gas are absorbed in your clothes. Conversely, when you're naked in the shower, there's no such barrier. That means your nostrils will carry the full force of the fart. So a point makes sense. The second reason is that the shower is an enclosed space and the smell is a special oily noticeable.
If you have a shower surrounded by glass, this means that your naked body doesn't have a fabric barrier and the smell room will remain in the narrow space making it much more noticeable. I'm curious if glass is. It's like you imagine like sound bouncing off and if something has good acoustics or not. Showers, as you all should know, are fantastic acoustics, bathrooms in general, fantastic acoustics, for rip and farts.
But does that mean too that the gas particles are bouncing off the glass? And I guess that makes sense if you have a shower curtain and but that's plastic. That's not a fabric so it should still.
Bounced off and up into your nose. And now the third reason has to do with our nostrils. Go figure in a hot shower. The steam provides your sense of improves the steam improves your sense of smell. It makes the nostrils much more sensitive to abnormal odors. This is why the smell of your shampoo and soap is strong in the shower, but less so when you come out.
Studies show that moisture can help people smell odors in smaller concentrations, which means that a stinky fart will smell twice as bad in a situation like this. Now I feel like I'm like most people, I'll rip ass and I will acknowledge it. I'll be like, Oh, that was a heater. Goddamn. And people around me, around me will go, Oh, that was a heater.
Goddamn, that, that that reeks. That's awful. And I'm just sitting in my pride, just like I made a fart and the smell is not too bad at most. Any single fart, if it's a little taint or taint, if it's a little tame or a big ol cheek rambler, it's like.
But in the shower, when that same thing happens, it's kind of like I'm looking at my own self, my body in disappointment, in disgust, like, how could you betray me? The farts were good, and now they're not. Well, the more you know, this is why they smell worse. In the shower. Now, let's get into some wild news, Audie.
That's some wild nature is.
And I want to remind anyone and everyone out there listening, if you find some wild.
That's in new sports or a clip, be sure to send it my way. Twitter, Instagram on the site, email howdy at Sway Unlimited dot com. The handles on social media are Chuck underscore, sway or add sway for a pod on Instagram a tick tock as well at the chuck underscore sway handle. But yeah, I would love to see what you got going on and I'd be happy to put it on the show and talk about it.
Now, this story, the wild news story. Take a look at the headline Man Assaulted Hotel Employee with wizard wand man charged with assault, accused of pointing a wizard wand at a hotel employee while using racist slurs. In Bloomington, Minnesota, the hotel employee who called police said the man walked into the hotel and extended his hand into a bowl of room keys.
Pause there for a second. What hotel just has a bowl the key is like if you're at a party and you're like, all right, whoever's driving, put your keys in here. We'll assess you when you go to leave. If you're going to be too drunk to drive, you're going to have to stay away until you sober up. But a hotel just has this bowl of like check checking in police Johnson is the name and then like, OK, we got your room ready.
But here's the thing. We have all the rooms ready. Here's this fucking bowl. Just cover your eyes and start diddling your fingers and.
Picking a name.
I've got a room and then you got your keys. Why is there a bowl of keys? So, so far, the wizard wielding with the wand wielding wizard. Pardon? Me, w w w that's where I'm limited. Dotcom, shameless plug. I'm on his side so far. Do you have a bowl of keys? You're going to be asking for trouble.
The worker asked him to leave, but instead the man argued with him and called him racial slurs. All right, now I'm on the other side, says that's aggressive. So he's. He's gone.
He's the one.
Going through the keys. The the front desk is like, hey, can you leave me Cox's hat over it's like, shut up. Insert racial slur. That I will not say he used a 16 inch wand he'd made out of a stick. OK so stick which prompted the hotel employee to pull out a gun in an effort to defend himself and no injuries were reported.
So the old adage of don't bring a knife to a gunfight also applies with bringing a one to a gunfight. When the police arrived, the man admitted to having a wand on him. Police knew from previous calls that the man was referencing a stick. He had fashioned a look like a Wizards wand so the police show up. What seems to be all the commotion here.
40 minutes later and you have a hotel employee holding a gun and another guy with probably when when the cops showed up he had his wallet. He's like, get back.
You give me the keys, give me the keys, give me the keys.
The police show.
And he just turns around, puts his hand behind his back. Bill, you got a gun, you're in trouble. And then after some questioning, it's like, OK, I got to be straight with you guys. I have a wand pull it out from I could see.
A lock The man was charged with first degree assault and trespassing in connection to the incident. Now is get the degrees of severity of things confused all the time because fifth degree could mean he's a violent criminal and is immediately put on death row and executed. Or it could mean that he just pulled out a wand and went racial slurs, racial slurs, racial slurs.
Same thing with burns to first degree burns is lighter to the bone. Right. And third degree, it's it's all confusing. But thankfully, this wizard didn't cast any fire spells because then it would have been really confusing. This episode of The Sweat Parade is brought to you by parade plus support orders. The flow notes.
Out to AJ Joe Michael Davis, Reverend Tanner Mills who called in earlier. 818275 Sway Quin and Tyler and all of them are taking advantages of the additional perks they get with being a supporter. If you would like to be a supporter and you get shout out each.
Week head on over to Sway Unlimited dot com.
Click on pricing. Take a look at the plans starting as low as $6.90 a month and going all the way up to $572.62 or whatever the fuck it is. There's it's an important number. It's $0.69 a month for 69 years. It's a great deal, I would say. Yeah, check it out. And without further ado, let's get back to the show.
Look at that big belly shop you're getting. Be restless for a deep shot.
It's time for sports. It's time for the deep shot first story. And if you're watching.
You have an idea that we're probably going to address Josh Allen, or at least the bills at the least every single week. And this week is no different. The match of golf that was announced last week, and it's going to be the first one that doesn't have a PGA player. And honestly, there's more allure to that. And no, no friend to golf players, professional golf players, they're great at what they do.
But when you take the likes of Thomas Brady and Aaron Rodgers and put them up against Patrick Mahomes and Josh motherfucking Allen sounds like a good time. The match is set for June 1st. So coming up here in a few months and this little tidbit I did not know, but it makes me incredibly confident to suspend my bias of Josh Allen being involved with some sort of activity where there's a winner and a loser declared because back in February there was the Pro Bowl and Josh Allen, instead of going to the Pro Bowl, which he had more than enough on his resume for the season to play in that game and get all those accolades, he
decided not to go. And he instead played at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am. So Manns is ready. And so that should be a fun one. June, first, check it out. Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers versus Patrick Mahomes and Josh Allen in the match, as they should. No public service announcement. OK, there's a new league in town when it comes to football and well we'll see how they do.
Historically, football leagues, professional ones outside of the NFL just fall flat on their faces. Pardon me, I have a nose itch. So we'll start with the narrow and then wide out. So Pittsburgh Mueller's USFL this is the league, by the way. Coach Explains Cutting Player Over Pizza Slash Chicken Salad Incident during United by Football, which is the documentary series that they do.
It's kind of like hard knocks, but not on the NFL's the XFL. So United by football. It was just kind of chronicling the beginning of the season. Before I go any further, I had no idea that they were doing an entirely different professional football league in this USFL and this was all news to me like this is actually how I heard about the league is Twitter was blown up being like this football team cut this player because in regards to pizza and chicken salad, it was revealed that former XFL running back Davon Smith's release stemmed from him requesting pizza at the team hotel instead of chicken salad.
There's a video of it, a little sit down interview there in there in some sort of room. The coaches there as a GM there's some other important person with the league or with the team sitting there, and they call them in and they're like, hey, remember when you ordered pizza instead of the chicken salad that we offered you was like, Yeah, I do remember that.
I don't I don't really eat chicken salad. There was an option to get pizza. So I figured I'd just nicely ask for pizza. Then it goes back to the other side of the room.
What? You can't you.
Can't you're you're cut. You can't do that. You can't. You can't. It's disrespectful. Disrespectful. If you don't eat chicken salad instead of pizza, say what a hundred times out of 100? I'm opting for pizza over chicken salad. I can't remember the last time I had chicken salad, but if I knew my job was going to.
Be at stake.
If I opted for the.
Pizza instead of the chicken salad.
I'll still probably pick pizza because what the fuck? I'm policing food now. He saw the pizza and he asked about it. Then he was told he couldn't have any, so he didn't even get the pizza. He saw it and he's like, Hey, what's what's the deal with the pizza over there? Can I can I get some of that?
Let me ok, like, no, you can't chicken salad. Would you like.
Mueller's head coach? Kirby Wilson has a policy about being disrespectful to players, coaches and both USFL and hotel staff. Doesn't sound very disrespectful to me. Did he not say, please, we're cutting players from playing a game professionally because they didn't say please? He told Smith, that matters or that the matter was done. There's no defending yourself. You asked for pizza.
You're a fucking monster, and I'm not going to have you on my football team and wish it now. He wished the running back good luck so initial backlash with the league with some petty bullshit is what it boils down to. That's all that it is. It's petty bullshit so from there I was like, OK, well, if I ever get the opportunity to play for this league, I won't because I like pizza.
Let's be real here. It's not going to happen.
But I started looking into the league because if you recall, there were there have been multiple leagues that were have not been the NFL for the last like 50 years. The short term memory ones were the AA. Yeah, the AFTRA, American Alliance Football League, that's what it was called. They didn't even make it a season. They got ten game or eight games into their ten games and they're like, Well, we're bankrupt.
Sorry, not even one season. And then the XFL which was it existed in like the late nineties. I think Vince McMahon, WWE, started his own football league and then it folded for whatever reason, probably because it's not the NFL. And then they're like, Let's try it again. Let's do XFL again. There's clearly a market for football when there isn't professional NFL or college football going on.
So let's let's rebirth the XFL. And that was in early 2020. So they took a fat shit on that, and it wasn't their fault. And I actually found out that the XFL is going to be coming back next year on the Saturday following the Super Bowl, the big game. And I also found out and I think I saw this a while ago, The Rock, former WWE Superstar and Gazillionaire is one of the owners of the XFL.
So we'll see how that league shakes out. But that's not all we're talking about here. So the XFL, it's the USFL. And I'm just going to kind of run through how this is a little bit different than what you typically see in professional football, i.e. the NFL. Well, for one, all games are played in one place. Birmingham, Alabama.
There are teams that span the Midwest, the South, the Midwest, Northeast directions, but they all play in one stadium. That's, I mean, cut down on costs. The prices of gas nowadays count damn extra points, right? Typically in football, you score a touchdown, that's six points. You have the option to kick a field goal for one point or essentially try and score a touchdown again for two points.
They added a third extra point. You get three points after your touchdown. So the first one is a kick from the 15 yard line. The second one is your typical, you know, two point conversion from the two yard line. But if you want to go for three, you started the ten yard line and if you get the ball in the end zone, that's three points.
So it's pretty neat. Make scoring a little bit more interesting and competitive onside kicks. Teams will have two options to retain possession after scoring. The first option will be traditional onside kick kick attempt from the ten yards right or from from the 25 yard line. You've got to kick it ten yards if you recover it. Statistically, this never happens.
It's very rare for an onside kick to be converted and for that team to maintain possession of the ball. And I know this Deep Shot used to be a full blown sports podcast and now it's just a segment. I might have lost some of you because of getting in the rules of fucking football. I don't even understand the game when I even like the game goddamn speed running because it's different and it might be something worthwhile to watch if you're a football fan.
So I'm just kind of, I'm pitching it to everyone, be something to check out. And if you do know football and you're like, Well, why are you oversimplifying things? I'm just trying to, to wide audience base almighty algorithm we got to please everyone onside kicks. Yes. The second option for that is you can run one play like a fourth and 12 is where you start at your own 33 yard line.
And if you get a first down, you get to continue on offense. If you don't, then it's a turnover. The team has it, you know, close to their end zone. They have an opportunity to score now overtime over time in the NFL is needs fixing and steps are already being made. The Josh Allen rule is in effect in the playoffs.
Now in the NFL both teams will get options or the the option or the then Jesus Christ both teams will get the opportunity to play on offense so it's not just hey we want a coin toss so we're going to win this game. Statistically overtime is a little bit different in the USFL. It'll be a shootout and the opposing.
Yes, sorry, let me back up here. Each teams offense will alternate playing against the opposing defense from the two yard line. Each team will run a total of three plays and each successful scoring attempt will receive two points. So for one, it doesn't rack up the scores like in college, like you have an overtime game in college and 17, 17 and regulation and then at the end overtime it's 58 to 55.
So just two points trying to score and then after that sudden death, you know, till someone wins. So I mean there's no ties, which is cool too because no one likes to kiss our sisters. You can get two forward passes too. This is not something that is seen in the NFL. You can just do one forward pass, but offenses will be allowed to throw two forward passes behind the line of scrimmage, adding even more excitement and trick play potential to game.
So as long as it doesn't go downfield you can throw it twice. So we'll we'll see how that pans out. Now enough of these the rules and the technicalities and all that stuff. This is the USFL and it's brand new. We'll see if it lasts. We'll see if it suffer the same fate as the AEF or as the XFL.
2.0, because I guess the 2023 is the 3.0 brand managers there. You can take that if you'd like. So I thought that it would be fun to take a look at this new league, not by accolades or stats. That players have had in their previous experience in football, whether they were a stud in college or they played in one of these folded leagues.
Instead, I took a look at every single team which there are one, two, three, four, five, eight teams. I took a look at the full roster and I found the coolest names on each team. So we're going to run through that for the Birmingham Stallions, the the stadium in which every single game is played, they get their own team.
We got Scooby Wright, the third. He's a linebacker for the Houston gamblers cornerback will likely William likely and for the Michigan Panthers tight end Joey magnifique all New Jersey generals have a linebacker by the name of Angelo Garbutt and the New Orleans breakers have a defensive end by the name of Nigel.
Travis calling sort one mind or some is looking human Turk the line on Gibson the quarterback miles.
The team that cut the guy because of the pizza not the chicken salad now they have Nasir player it's like the thing where the.
Madden roster doesn't populate everything so you just have and player new player so the USFL has their own end up player new player Nasir player and the Philadelphia stars have a cornerback by the name of em Louis Lewis I looked into this a little bit more it was actually a typo but they're a new league. They're still working out the kinks, you know, but you know spell check and all that stuff's always nice.
But Louis Lewis, if I ever see him again, cover him on the show. It's whatever is actually, it's Marcus Lewis, I think it's not a double Lewis, but double Louis here and Lewis. Lewis. And then lastly, the Tampa Bay Bandits have a wide receiver by the name of Vinnie.
And yeah, that's that's pretty much it for the USFL. I still have yet to watch a game, but if I catch it, I mean, it's kind of neat this time of year in springtime, football's usually dead and done basketball. The NBA playoffs are on right now, and they're going to wind down. And then we get into the summer where it's just baseball, at least mainstream wise.
But as we're about to get in the country strong, there are a lot more different sports than just the main ones.
But before we do that.
It just it seems fun. It seems kind of cool that there's a football league that we can watch. And so this might be all the shine that the USFL gets on the deep shot here on the Way Parade. Or it could be the new favorite thing. Maybe there's a Josh Allen in there just waiting to be revealed. But I mentioned it earlier, it's time to get control cool.
Just don't play the week.
Now, this week's Country Strong clip is a little bit different than what it's been in previous episodes. Usually it's some big old horse running, some over, but this one is how is running through dirt. That's right. It's the NASCAR dirt race. Let me make sure I got that name right. It's a dirt race they call NASCAR dirt. Race as the second annual one.
So they've only done this only second year. They've done this. And we'll take a look and see how come down. It is one lap to go sponsored by credit. One man going around in circles left turns only.
Still the same NASCAR, but in their own dirt coming around. Oh, throwing that back in there. Look at that turkey down Landale oh my goodness. Trying to go for the pass the ball thrown out the back a little bit spinning the drift It's gone.
In both country strong.
Oh and he steals 10 man Oh Tyler Reddick oh man Oh.
Yes we share the same sentiment.
Oh no Trista. Oh, while. Wow, wow, wow.
NASCAR now you listen there. I've been a fan for about four to five.
Seconds, but you need to do this more.
Often. My goodness. Want to run this back again? That was I want to go straight back into the drift and pardon me if the country strong Carl takes over again. But oh, this that.
This is 45 seconds.
Of a race.
Imagine the whole thing. Each corner's covering throw throwing the back. And I wonder if you know, can you see me, Tokio? All right. Out of the bottom two or neither one. And it's dirt to zone.
Yard slip. It is Latin. It's not as dangerous as a pavement. You know, get T-boned and, you know, where's the brakes, Dale?
It's just kind of key. Oh, my.
In NASCAR day, in the dirt. Go back to your roots, OK?
Oh, Michelle, old codger, strong.
Whoo hoo! Yeah! Take me a minute to get out of that vibe, because.
That was exciting. Boogie. Boogie to you.
OK, let's grab some clips.
Scrub my clip. Clip got.
Clips lined up for you to.
Day here on this way. Parade first clip.
As you can see also from the set, Big Josh Allen influence, but also.
A little SpongeBob.
Right here and on my phone. It's been like this forever. Patrick Star phone case. I love me some SpongeBob. That's part of my childhood that, you know, all of everything else has died from my childhood except for SpongeBob and the feeling I get when I see references and memes and stuff, it's.
I remember a time where you didn't have to pay taxes. You can just watch cartoons.
So this video hit home.
It was nice seeing seeing this. Let's just take a look.
This Uber driver gave a ride home to the person that voices Mrs. Parker from SpongeBob. Right? Exactly. Andrew is a wonderful driver. Unlike SpongeBob, he's not a wonderful driver. But Andrew took me home tonight, and I'm having a wonderful time with him.
Mrs. Parker. Oh, Neptune.
That has to be the absolute best gig in show business is being a voice actor, because you look at her here. Let me see if I can pause on a frame that isn't Mrs. Puff. She just looks like a sweet old lady. And then she starts talking it's like Mrs. Pops.
So she can live her life, and she has one of the most iconic voices for millennials, the recognize. And so something like this, I mean, she's she's lived some years, and she still has that enthusiasm, like.
Usher. I'll do a Mrs. Parks impression for you. Thanks for being such a nice a nice driver here, getting me to my destination. Nice. I like that. That's nice and wholesome. It's not typically what you see on the docket on Scrub My Clip, so it's really nice. Next clip. Well, it's going to be less nice so Coachella is going on, I think at the point.
I think this is the second weekend of the time this is being recorded. I'm the last person ask about Coachella because I know that like for things, they have artists that play music there. They have a Ferris wheel. It's in the middle of the desert and well, yeah, you need to be an influencer if it's worth going because if you didn't take a picture at Coachella and post it on your Instagram, did you even go to Coachella?
It's one of those things. But this clip is just a little bit of insight of away from the Ferris wheel pictures and the face paint and pardon me. If I don't know the particulars, it's not really something I give a shit about, but this is interesting. Let's take a look here. I recycle it.
It looks like it's just ready to get back here. Let me see your bags. If you're an influencer and we have the band, we're good here, OK? Slowly get on the bus. All right.
This is ridiculous.
So if you're just listening, this is right outside of of a big, like, Greyhound bus. And there's the person that took the video is is up close to the door of the bus. So you can't see how many people are there. But the dude in this Hawaiian shirt and the Hurley hat saying this is ridiculous, OK? You need if you're an influencer, I need to see your bands.
There is going to be no non influencers getting on this bus. So put up your hands. Show me that you're an influencer and you will get on this bus. I did a little bit more research into this. It was like this afterparty type of thing at Coachella where it was just like prominent tick tock dancers got the bid to go it was a closed event.
You had to be an influencer. And so all of I don't know if all these influencers are trying to get on the bus or someone caught wind of like, Hey, that's the influencer bus. I want to go. I need to see your bands. You need to be an influencer, pull out your phone, show me your Instagram account, and I swear to fuck if I see less than 250,000 followers, I'm going to kick you out of this festival myself.
So, yeah, not really something that I have an interest in ever attending, but I'm not an influencer. And even if I was, I'm not going to take I'm not going to take in barked at by some dude in a red Hawaiian shirt in the middle of the fucking desert. Fuck out of here. Our next clip sticking in Coachella.
But on the digital side of things, streaming is a huge thing. If you don't have the money or the time to afford to go to Coachella or anything for that matter, it's going to be streamed online, almost guaranteed, which I'll do. Take a quick second to plug here I am doing Spot Streams on Twitch of the kind of an encore presentation of each episode because it's prerecorded, but throw it up on Twitch, Twitch TV Slash Chucks, underscore Sway if you want to watch the episode, if I can catch it a good time.
But anyways, live stream here of Coachella in China and China likes to, you know, control information and so someone in China sent a request like, Hey, can we stream Coachella and the Chinese government? The censorship office's like, Yeah, yeah, you in stream it. It's going to be censored though. And this is a video of the censor trying to sense in real time with a black box just moving.
This is like Meg the stallion or someone shaking her ass. And, and the censor is just taking. Yeah, let me blow this up a little bit bigger. The censors just taking the black boxes to be like, no, asked for, you know, that's too sexual. No, no, no, no. The government doesn't want to see you an ass. Doesn't want you to see an ass that thick censor box, censor box.
And there's just too much gyrations going around it's tough to tough to censor all of that. And so they're just going back and forth.
We we poop.
You can't see that as we don't want you to see that ass and then this is on WeChat, which is a live stream. It's I actually don't know if it's just the live stream site. It might be their Facebook, but obviously comments all in Chinese. So I have no idea how how bad this sensor is being roasted. But I mean, maybe think about that the next time is like, hey, can can you guys stream something Chinese government that we want to watch, we don't care if you censor it but we want to watch it.
And then they didn't do their due diligence like, can we censor this? You can't censor all that ass. OK, next clip here. Take a look.
So this is an outdoor camera looking at a street. There is a guy riding his bike, not looking both ways, an intersection which is dangerous, but mostly we're conditioned to look both ways for cars. Not fuckin.
Roadrunners, because that's exactly what happens. This road runner comes.
Running down the street and this.
This bicycle is not even going fast, not even making haste and just runs into the bike. And it looks like the Road Runner does like a tactical slide. Like you'd see him like Call of Duty.
Time deathmatch. What me, me? Fuck you.
Your mom's a whore. Fuck your mom. And then the Road Runner continues. Ah, that was fun. I didn't honestly like go back to cartoons. Such an influence on my life at such a young age that I don't think that Roadrunner is a real thing. I know how these are, but I never see it. A roadrunner. And then now here we are.
Slide tackling bicyclist.
Next clip. Staying on bikes. Isn't it all wonderful? How the show just comes together. There's an overarching theme to this year parade. Let's take a look here.
Oh, so this.
Bike cops, not biker cops. Bicycle cops. Riding down a line. This looks like training because there's another gaggle of these cops over here in front of these here porta potties. But they're riding their bikes down in two lines and they're just move back as they're pedaling. Move back. Let's take a look what happens. Oh.
So this is like riot training, but on bikes. So they're riding up.
Move back, move back.
Move. And they get to the front line and they use power slide to make their presence known. And then they dismount their bikes and they're going to use their all aluminum body trek bicycles as barriers. Fuck shields. The budget got spent elsewhere. You get bikes. Let's continue playing this and see oh. So the first half of this video, the sound cuts out on the second half.
First half right is the training.
Move back, arm. Come in.
Need to ring the little bell and then high power slide. We're the police and you can't riot. And then it cuts to the training. The results of this training for actually using it in the wild and.
So this is at some sort of protest not some sort of. It's a Black Lives Matter because that guy's wearing a shirt that says BLM and well, stick to your training. They do the power slide. They're trying to corral people get them off the streets. And this cop right here ditches the bike and continues with his inertia starting running at someone for, I don't know, the white guy in the backpack, but he's the guy in the backpacks booking it out.
The cop never was able to get his footing after the dismount on the bicycle and so all this momentum is going forward and he just eats it. Now, thankfully, these are bicycle cops and so they're wearing helmets. So he was protected. But still. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really take any of that too serious.
Oh, no, it's a cop on a bike. What are we going to do is. Oh, fuck.
We're going to power slide.
Oh, I surrender.
Let's take a look.
There's no audio here, but. Oh, my fuck.
Oh, holy shit.
OK, so this is a cat and a dog starts out with a dog and a guy walking his dog. And this is another security cam footage. He's walking his dog. He stops, he pulls the leash back a little bit and he starts to retreat and he's retreating because a manic fucking cat comes and attacks him.
Just going, hey.
I'm trying to get this little dog just a turf war. When the cat jumps on, the guy pretty much immediately. Pants him, pants is him, runs up, chief claws out, latches right on his ass and then starts scurrying. So the pants come down and he's trying to save his dog and his ass now and like, oh, fuck, oh, that is an aggressive fucking cat, that dog.
What the dog do. And that dog didn't do anything wrong. Cat is just a piece of shit. And that is why ladies and gentlemen, I am a proud dog person. Cats, they can be nice, but the worst cat is.
Far Miles worse than the worst dog. The worst dog know might be aggressive. Try to bite you, whatever. But it's usually out of fear. The fear bites, they'll be aggressive, and then they'll be like, All right, I beat you. Now I'm going to go away. This cat is taking no survivors and is just trying to fuck not only this dog up, but this dude as well.
So yeah, fuck cats. God damn.
And at the very end, the cats, the people are around.
And they're trying to corral it. You know what they say about crawl and cats could fucking look and a big back back to your your little outlook, your post to fuck up anyone that tries to walk into your territory. Next clip. This video is pretty much how my wife thinks women act around me when she's not around. Let's take a look so the person that took this video was up in a balcony like a second floor balcony looking down at the street, shooting down.
This guy and this girl. And there they're talking in the street. And then the girl just drops her pants and is standing there. The guy's just kind of like hands up, like, well, what are you doing? And he's looking around he's like, this bitch is fucking naked in the middle of the street. Is anyone seeing this? And then she Hulk Hogan's her top off and the tits come out.
Oh, I can only imagine the conversation that was had here to lead to this.
And then she starts chasing.
The guy around the car.
Ass naked, trying to hop out of the shirt that she fucking ripped off and just chasing him around, like, love me.
Love me. Get back here. Look, you want that dick? Get it?
Oh, my God. And so, like I said, if I mentioned that there was a woman somewhere, I was like, oh, yeah. I went to the grocery store, and the cashier asked if I wanted to use Carter credit in my wife's head. This is what happens. The cashier ripped her clothes off and started chasing me through the store. Listen, here.
Wifey is. I know you're listening. I am not that desirable, OK? You haven't even done that and never taken your clothes off and run that me but I think after watching this, I think I would run away because I'd be.
Just like, what are you supposed to do? Like.
Any person naked where they aren't typically naked is a sight. But now that naked person is running at you in an aggressive manner.
Just the Hulk Hogan rip is really kind of what makes sense because she's like.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You're going to leave these corners. You're going to leave these magnificent titties.
Look at these stars. I got reference to last week's episode, episode seven.
And just get away from me.
Like the only threat here. She's not wielding a weapon. She wasn't swinging at the guy. The only threat here is she is but asked fucking naked and chasing him. And that is enough to take even the the boldest and manliest of men that that's the one thing that will put them on a scurry is.
So fucking aggressive that she.
Tries to like to step, hop out of the shirt that just continue to fall down her body. Oh, man. Part of me wants to leave this as it is and just be like, Wow, that was weird. But the other part of me wants to dig in and see.
What what the can't text is like. Oh, god.
Where is the article on this? This could have been in the news. Have a video to boot. I think so.
To be it to boot.
Those tits out chasing dudes. Now that is.
That wasn't even the.
Moisés clip. That's the end of the segment here on the script. My clip part of the show is the Moises clip and that one didn't even get Moisés. So what the fuck do we have in store this week for this clip? Let's find.
Out. This next clip is so moist.
Right? Moist. The clip that is more moist than a woman shredding her clothes off of her body and chasing a man. Let's take a look here. So it's just a just a dude dancing outside looks to be at a wedding. Everyone's in clothes, nice clothes and a little dance off. Everyone's gathered round. Big circle, dance, dance, dance, dance.
Dance. And the guy does his dance, and he's like, oh, no one wants to hop in here.
OK, all right, all right. Cool.
And then enters. Player two Now I'm just going to run it. So, you.
So player two enters and he does a handstand. You know, it's impressive dance move by anyone that can do it. Well, I'm not one of those people doing a handstand, getting vibing with the tunes. There's no audio here, but vibing with the tunes. The only problem is he's wearing a kilt.
Underwear. So when he says that this is why this shit gets censored on YouTube, if you're watching, you're just seeing pixels right now because.
Cocking balls now goes the saying from six to midnight or six to midnight, it's inverted because instead it's midnight inverted. It's 6:00, just it's whole giblets just hanging down. It's oh. And then he pops up and then he jumps back down is on his hands and his knees with his back towards the ground. I don't know if that's a good explanation of that, but it's pretty much like a gynecologist pose.
And so everyone in the background at this again looks like a wedding. They see that and this one lady right here, I mean, it's it's a little pixelated even on my end.
She's like, oh, said, oh, no cock and balls. Oh a oh shit.
Now this clip got me thinking. And then at the end, he's just like, and I'm out. This clip got me thinking. The one about kilts naturally but to about running commando. And I've never done it and I don't think I'd like to wear it killed though I might buy a kilt and try that, but I'm I'm running out of time here on the memory card so that's going to do it for this week.
Thank you so much for viewing. Thank you so much for listening. And I'll see you next week here on the Sway Parade. And we'll talk a little bit more about the kilt and the cock and balls. And if I want a free bullet all right. Thanks, everyone. Bye.