Here's all the links that we discussed on this week's episode:
Lil Bit'a News
Scrub My Clip
The Deep Shot
Edoardo Mortara Cameo
But if I take the cheese from my purse and rub it on myself, maybe that next guy will go, Oh, is that you? So you're wearing it's this sway parade with sharks way.
Welcome into the Sway Parade. My name is Chuck Sway and this is the parade. Welcome in if you're new to the show. Thanks for joining. If you're a recurring listener. Thank you as well. Run down on what the show is. Cover news, cover sports, cover clips. Pretty much a nutshell of what gets done here at the parade. There's a few other things as well.
First and foremost, that I do want to mention. Hotline number 818275. Sway 7929. If you don't know how to read letters on numbers, call that number. Leave a message, whatever it may be. I have hung up here and we switch cameras up on the shelf. The Vegemite from last week. That was from a caller. So whatever your mind comes up with, call it in off the cuff, right?
A script. Do whatever you want to do. Just make sure you call that number again. Throw it up. 818275 sway. No calls this week, but hey, that's why we pray to the almighty algorithm. We're not going to do that just yet. I do want to mention, though, the attire for today. This T-shirt was made by the same artist, the same creator that designed the artwork for the Sway Parade.
So I thought it was appropriate to make some purchases. And I have here the Instagram of this creator. Its name is Taylor Bingo's Odds and Ends is the Instagram account where he's posting all of his art and he's throwing it on merch. So the Instagram handle, if you do want to check him out, that's bingo's underscore odds, underscore ends, underscore ends.
And he's got a website. Here it is right here. He's got all his art listed up on the site, on t shirts, posters, tote bags and the one that I'm wearing. Given that it's front facing, you can't see the back. It says Bingo's right there on my left breast. But here's the back you got bingo right here. You got some Molotov cocktails and bingo holding the wrench and a vial.
Taylor, who is the name of the artist or a bingo is what he is. Persona defying, very creative, always been a great artist. And I love the fact that he's thrown it on t shirts now I'll go back one tab to show I got the Bingo's classic T, but I also got the among angels with Watch a Peacock's Kate Bush vibes for a lot of the art thus far, but he's extremely versatile.
He's doing this stuff for him. He did the Sway Parade artwork for me, the the Chuck Sway holding the microphone with the parade hat, the grand marshal, the the characters on the side, the trumpets, the graphics of the balloons, everything. Very talented to check them out and support him. Now we're going to get into our first segment, which is taking a look at the news.
What's the big deal, fella? It's just a little bit news.
Our first story, toddler bites and kills snake after it beat her. And this story was submitted by Mrs. Sway, the lovely. Of course, if you find this story out there on the web that you want to see on the show, send it to me. Instagram at Chuck Underscore Sway. Same handle on Twitter. Just link it. Be like, hey, check out this and then all.
I'll give an expert breakdown. Because if I know two things, it's about toddlers and snakes. Quite the expert. Let's dove into the story of a two year old in Bengal. Turkey managed to kill a snake with her very own teeth after it bit her while she was playing in the garden of her family home, she was playing with a snake in the garden before being bit on the lip.
It's a rough spot to be bit by snake. I've never been bit by a snake, but I've fed snakes before and it's it's the equivalent of you see the videos of someone frying something on a pan with oil and they have their breaded chicken or whatever, whatever they're frying and they're as far away as they can be and they drop it in and run away.
That's essentially what it's like feeding a snake as well. The snakes I've fed, they ate little frozen rats and mice. The thought out took a pair of tongs, held it near the snake. And you see the snake's head coiled back. You knew it was about to strike, but that shit is so fast and this was a long pair of tongs and I'm just take it and then just snaps it so close that I've been to being bit this little toddler though two year old took it on the lip like a champ.
And instead of what I would assume what toddlers do right when they're in peril is they cry. This girl's different. This girl went banana mode and just started retaliating against the snake. The retaliation upon being bet it was killing the snake, using her teeth. So she got smacked in the lip by this snake and instead of again just starting to ball and cry for an adult to come to her aid, she took it upon herself.
She took that snake and just went, Yeah, that's heavy metal. That's like Ozzy Osborne taking a bite into a bat. Except this is a two year old taking a bite into a snake. Neighbors were reportedly horrified, appropriately so, when they found the girl with a 20 inch snake bitten to death and clamped between her teeth. So she didn't just take the snake's head in the park, chop it off and spit it out.
She wanted it known to her neighbors, potentially her parents, the world now is this was an article written about it, the she's hard core. She kept the snakes mouth or the snake's head in her mouth like, yeah, you try and mess with me and my bite your head off. Don't fuck around. The girl received first aid treatment from neighbors for the snake bite on her lip before being taken to Bengal Maternity and Children's Hospital for further treatment.
The snake was unfortunately beyond saving, and I think that should go without saying. You get your head beat off. Really, whatever animal. I mean, even reptiles, they can lose lizards. Can you lose a tail and it grows back. I think parts of snakes, you know, when it's further down the line, if they lose part of their tail and their whole body is a tail, but if they lose like a little bit of it, they can still survive.
They're fine, but a head. Yeah, the snake's gone. Sorry. Next story, monkeys are masturbating with stone sex toys researchers find in Bali's sacred monkey forest, long tailed macaques, appropriately named for the story, are the main attraction. Lounging around in lush greenery, hundreds of the primates entertain visitors and feast on food provided by those visitors. Their leisurely lifestyle leaves them with a lot more free time than the average wild monkey.
And in these spare hours, they've taken to playing with stones. And in some cases, as researchers recently found or even using them as sex toys, there actually is a video because if it's research, you've got to take a video, especially in today's day and age. So yeah, I think this is within the confines of what YouTube allows. Now, if it were people using stones to pleasure themselves sexually, oh no, it gets flagged immediately.
But monkeys, there are enough separation on the evolutionary and species scale that I'm going to show you some monkeys playing with rocks on their on their monkey privates. These macaques not, first off, male monkey, kind of juggling the rocks like a paradise. And then it just escalates to taking those rocks at like the bottom of the macaque bag is nuts and is just shaking it.
It just feels good. The tap on the groin. This is part of the research video. More and more of it. This one is at the the pubis of the monkey right above the phallus. Try and make this scientific again. This is research. I mean, there's really no rhyme or reason to the method. It's at the bottom of the balls.
It's at right above the shaft. Now it's there's a larger stone. It's just kind of like juggling, juggling these stones around the monkeys. And I was going to say cock and balls, but around the monkeys, phallus and testes. There you go. Examples of rub on groin and male and female Balinese long tailed macaques. I mean, this is a whole series of two and a half minute video that's Silicon Lubin up with the spit and then kind of just stroking.
On we are between the books and there's reinga she's combining with dry detach leave for.
Using a leaf and rocks. I mean you get the idea if you're watching, if you're listening, well, you go on limited calm you find the show links. This video will be linked if you want to see monkeys using rocks on their junk. Let's continue on with the story. Researchers analyzed how this population of Balinese monkeys play with stones, among other innocuous uses, including biting and gathering the stones.
Video footage as we just watch collected between 2016 and 2019. This isn't just going to the park and shooting some footage and being like, Oh, that's weird. The monkeys are playing with rocks. Is this an isolated incident? No. We're going to take the next three years to study rocks and monkey privates and shows hundreds of instances of monkeys in the sanctuary, both male and female, tapping and rubbing the stones on their genitals, seemingly in a state of arousal, as we saw in the video, look like it felt good to the monkey.
I don't know if taking rocks and just rubbing around your junk, maybe they just have more callus down there because they are wild. I mean, humans for the most part, it's soft and sensitive tissue. You wouldn't want to take a rock to it for the male monkeys, their genitals, stone tapping and rubbing occurred more often and lasted longer.
And when they also had an erection. So monkey horniness that's psychology of it is I need some stones to put on my junk. But despite rubbing stones on their erect penises, the male monkeys never managed to ejaculate. So this is a a primate style of foreplay, it appears. Maybe it's just mutually agreed upon in this community of macaques of like, hey, you play with the rocks all you want.
You get hard, you get aroused. Do all that, but don't you come. It's hard to get a very solid explanation, but it really seems that they do it just because it feels good. I mean, that's a good wrap up of this three year study. And why are they doing that? It looks like it feels good. There is some sort of tactile stimulation from the contact of the stones with their genitals and it feels good and there is no reason to stop.
So after that, I mean, this is the end of the article. After all of that, you have visitors to this sacred monkey forest. They're like, Hey, they're taking stones and just jerking it in a broad sense of the term jerking someone should look into. This research is like we will three years later. Hey, did you find out what the deal was with the rocks and the monkeys?
Yeah. You know what? We had our top people on this project researching day in and day out, going to the Monkey Sanctuary for three years. You know, we came up with a what? I mean, is there something with the stones or some sort of positive bacteria that helps fertility in these macaques? No, no, no. We couldn't find anything like that.
We think it just feels good to them. It's like, oh, okay, I got that the day I was there. I understood that. But thanks. Bailey's tax dollars at work. Next story Sticking with primates. Monkey at California Zoo Calls 911. A monkey at a zoo in California called police Saturday evening when it found the zoo's cell phone and somehow managed to dial 911.
Could this have been a monkey emergency? There wasn't enough stones provided to these monkeys in captivity. The San Luis Obispo County Sheriff's Office said it received a911 call that disconnected. And when dispatchers attempted to call the number back, nobody picked up. Deputies were then sent to the cell phone's location to determine if assistance was required. They arrived at the address of the zoo, but nobody there had made the call.
We're told capuchin monkeys, these aren't macaques, as are Capuchins are very inquisitive and will grab anything and everything and just start pushing buttons. The sheriff's office said the monkey had apparently had happen to push the right combination of numbers to call emergency services. So, I mean, just some monkey business honest mistake for whoever manages that cell phone. Well, the little capuchin little monkey got a hold of it and just beep, beep, beep, beep, started dicking around with the numbers and that was it.
That's pretty much what happened. But the tail end of this story here, a cringe alert, because when you have public officials in a situation that they're not used to being in. Right. These are the police down in California. They they deal with some shit. They've seen some shit and they kind of have everything rehearsed. Can you explain what happened in the triple murder homicide suicide?
Oh, yes. The the assailant, which we believe, you know, talking to the press, they know what to say. But now with this whole monkey thing, it's just kind of a general it's a human interest story, but it's a primate interest story. And so they took it upon themselves to get a little frisky with how they responded to media outlets.
Here's a quote from a social media post. Our deputies have seen a fair share of monkey business in the county, but nothing quite like this. It also said in the Post route, which is the name of the monkey, is a little embarrassed by the whole thing, but you can't really blame her after all. Monkey see? Monkey do. Yeah, well, I mean, they took a shot, they had it and they took it.
And I mean, whatever. Next story, MILLER High Life introduces ice cream that tastes like a dove bar. Hmm. Tasty. A new novelty ice cream product is actually meant to recall the flavor of peanut shells on a bar floor. Who in the fuck thought that that was a good idea? Miller Life has partnered with Tipsy Scoop, maker of alcohol infused ice cream to create the ice cream Dove Bar.
The product combines beer, peanut swirl, tobacco, smoke, flavor, caramel, which, by the way, if you say caramel, you're trash. It's caramel and dark chocolate chip. The peanut swirl is designed to mimic the peanut shells frequently found on bar floors. Not every bar the scrounging holes in the walls that sweep once a quarter. Yes, but not every bar. Miller High life.
You've reached a low on this one. Tipsy and Miller's collaboration is a celebration of the 100th anniversary of the ice cream bar. Each of the bars contain up to 5% alcohol, so on one hand, you have and this has become popular in the last few years. They have ice cream that's, you know, has wine in it. Beer. Now, it's a novel idea.
Hot out. You want to cool down you don't want to house an entire Miller high life. But if they have ice cream. Well sure I love ice cream. I love beer. Let's dig into it. And then you get I mean, it's one thing, like it's more of a marketing stunt. I think of like, oh, the peanut flavor is from it's it's meant to resemble the peanut shells on bar floors.
That's just kind of stuck in there. Most likely, they're just using regular food grade peanuts. They're not just going to the bars that rarely sweep. So, hey, I'm a representative with Miller High Life working on a new product. And we're wondering, your entire floor is scattered with peanuts. Can I take them? We're going to source it. We want to own a market it that we source it locally at bars around the country and that those peanut shells are then turned and repurposed into this new ice cream product.
Now that the peanuts again, they're probably food grade. It just makes you think of that. But that tobacco smoke flavor. But that I was on board up until I read that I mean this is it's just disgusting. There's no two ways of putting it. Well, I try it. No. And unless you called number 820 275 sweet book. Hey, I heard a lot of things about this ice cream.
You should give it a go. I mean, I did it with Vegemite. I guess I'll try this, but I'm telling you, right off the bat, if it comes to that, I'm not going to like it. Next story. Formula racing car taken for a spin on public motorway. It's not every day that motorists get to witness a formula racing car in direct comparison with regular vehicles on a public motorway.
On Sunday, a video of just such an occurrence was shared on social media and quickly accumulated more than 3.3 million views. Sources since have revealed that the scene was filmed on the D4 motorway between there and there in the Czech Republic. I'm not going to put to it. And apparently it was also not the first time that the driver in question took his formula car out for a spin.
I mean, if you got it, flaunt it. And there's a there's a video that I have pull up here on the motorway, and it's a real life formula car on a highway. And right there, the Czech Republic seems to be a little bit more courteous with the rules of the road. You have this green little hatchback that's like, oh, there's a Formula One or a Formula car.
We'll get to the the differences here in a second. There's a formula car behind me. Those cars are fast. I should merge to the right to allow him to pass in the Czech Republic. That's what they do because that's what happened. And Homeboy was able to open that bitch up.
I mean, this seems like this seems like this guy, if he wasn't a racer in his day or still is a racer, it seems like this was the guy that when he was a kid, he's like, I want to be a race car driver when I grow up. And for whatever reason, it didn't work. Went down a different path.
But then he found himself with a few million bucks and he's like, I'm going to buy a race car. I'm going to take it out on the road bucket. And that's exactly what he did. According to Auto Life magazine, the driver was already seen on public motorways in 2018 and 2019. The vehicle was initially mistaken for a Formula One car, but in fact a Dallara GP2 from 2008, which is classified as Formula two.
Now you ask your average driver who drives on motorways, freeways, highways, byways. They don't know what the difference is between Formula One and Formula two. I don't know what the difference is between Formula One and Formula two either way. Still pretty fucking cool. Although the person who took the video has indicated that the racing vehicle escaped the grasp of the police.
Yeah, of course. When you hear that thing, you local authorities have stated that they identified a suspect who thus far denied any connection to the incident. I mean, in the video, he was wearing a helmet, I guess that protected his identity. But then you just go to the. Well, actually, never mind. This is like the perfect crime. The Shining Road Legal.
You can't go to the registry for the state, for the country. But. All right. How many registered formula cars do we have in our database? None. All right. Well, we still think we know who it is. The driver is at risk of receiving a €400 fine and having his license revoked for a year. Honestly, $400 fine. I mean, you take that one.
The Court All right, I'll pay the fine. But then how about like 30 days without a license? I'm sorry. Kind of worth it. If you've got a formula car and you're just chomping at the bit to go racing. All right. Rounding out the news segment, of course, we have some wild news.
This next clip. Hmm, is so moist.
Tick tock. Users are vibing, wearing their vaginal juices as perfume to activate their natural attraction.
This, I believe, should be known only as truffle butter number five, because, I mean, tick tock users. It doesn't gender. It doesn't say that they're just women. But vaginal juices only come from vaginas. So unless there's an outsourcing of like, please let me wear your truffle butter. Oh, I love it. Most likely, women, yes. They are taking their truffle butter, their cheese, and instead of disposing it of how you women do, I don't know the logistics of getting rid of your butter, but they're repurposing it.
They're rubbing it on themselves, thinking that the female musk will be a natural attraction. The trend called zapping, like it said in the headline, became fodder on TikTok after user Mandy Lee shared the now deleted video endorsing the practice again. More than a million views and comments from long time vibing fans who suggested it for date nights and job interviews.
So the big gripe with TikTok, and I'm not the first one to introduce this idea to the general population, is the there are a lot of morons in the world and a lot of those morons in the world have flocked to Tik Tok. And whatever's trending on Tik Tok, they take it as fact and they want to try and do it.
They chasing that clout. And now this one is, hey, if other people on Tik Tok are taking their pussy juice and rubbing it on them, what's stopping me from doing it? I've been on countless dates with no luck. I've seen many guys and it just ends with check, please. Oh, it was really nice meeting you. And I get ghosted.
I've gotten a job interviews, trying to get a job, not even my dream job. I've given up on that. I just need to be employed. But no one will hire me. I don't know why, but if I take the cheese from my purse and rub it on myself, maybe that next guy will go, Oh, is that your pussy you're wearing?
Oh my God, do you want to get out of here? And a job interviews? Oh, that's usually that butter comes from hard work, right? The pussy sweat. You must be a dedicated employee. You're hired. There's no scientific evidence that vibing or pheromone powered scents work for humans. Now, regular scents. Someone's wearing perfume, cologne, deodorant that is always more favorable than the sense that the body naturally puts out, which I believe is more.
The definition for pheromones is that secretion of the scent of attraction. But may I ask you this would you rather hold a conversation with someone that smells like B.O., smells like ass, smells like pussy? Or would you rather hold a conversation that they're wearing deodorant, cologne, perfume, what have you? I think we, most of us, would agree that their answer to that question is the latter.
It's possible the practice has a placebo effect since someone has taken the time to wear their vaginal juices. That novel act could stick in their head as they move about the world and convince them to act in ways that potential partners could find attractive. So even the politest of potential suitors, that inner monologue is, Oh my God, this chick smells like a fish.
I don't want to be rude like I'm a decent person. I'm not going to say anything. And on the flip side, the woman that is wearing her butter is thinking he likes me, he really likes me. Oh, this is the best hack ever. Don't do this. Clean your butter up, dispose of it. That's nasty. Okay, let's move on to scrubbing some clips.
Scrub my clip. Clip. All right. We got clips to scrub in here. This next segment on the Sway Parade. The first one, let's let's watch something a little racist, I guess it's just a little girl crying. Her balloon is stuck on a the big light pole and a guy walks up, a little girl points up. Now, I did preface it.
It is racist. It's not me that is being the racist. It's the ad. But there's a black guy. The guy who comes up to the little girl is black. Just keep that in mind. He looks down at the girl, he shimmies up the pole. It's just a guy just seeing a child in distress. I'm going to go grab her balloon sliding down.
La la, la.
Oh, no. He gets to the base of the pole. He has the balloon. The little girl's like, Yeah, you got my balloon. Thank you so much. And before he can hand it off to her, a mother runs up, panicked. First off, bitch, where the fuck were you? You climb up that pole. She just a kind stranger. Mother picks up her child and says, This is in Thailand.
This is a Thai commercial. Says some words of like, Oh, you creep trying to give my child a balloon. Then the guy, what's he to do? He has this balloon. Now want to waste it? You know, he did a good deed for the day, so he's just walking on with the balloon, gets home, still has the balloon. Oh, and this isn't the first good deed that he's done of balloons getting caught.
I guess this is a problem in Thailand. Kids get balloons, they let go of them. And instead of just floating off into the sky, they get caught in areas that can be accessed by this guy. He's just a good guy. He just wants to get kids are balloons and it seems like every time he's done that, the parents are freaked out.
Get the fuck away from my kid now. He's just stuck with all these balloons and he just lays down oh, he lays down on a giant toothbrush. Where are we going? Here. Now I'm on campaign. All Oh. So he turns his head away, lays on his. On his side, on the toothbrush bed, and then he turns into a strip of toothpaste, which is brown.
And the English translation on the bottom of the screen is appearance can be deceiving. Oh, no, no, no. That's got to be racist. There's no way that's tough. That's really tough on campaign. Oh, yes, he is one client. Black herbal toothpaste for food. I mean, mouth to mouth. I mean, most toothpaste is white, might have a mole strand of red or blue or whatever.
This is black, herbal and their job was to convince their customers, hey, it's good stuff. And by doing so, they were fucking racist. That's pretty awful. Next clip, there's a guy for the listeners. He's doing a pint challenge one down. Nice. It's the good rate. He's taking them down quick. There's two of the second burp and then the third one.
Oh, my God. So I'm going to keep playing it. All of that. Oh.
Fuck. Now, fuck you. No, no, you know that. Oh. Oh.
Hi there. My name's Charmander and I recently learned a new trick. Well, I can turn myself into a wolf. Can I show you? You okay? Bear with me here? Or should I say wolf with me here? Okay, 1/2. All right.
All right. Well, if that's the type of wolf that I would be fronted with in my undying claim that I could beat a single wolf. If that's the wolf, I think I got it in the back neck clip. This one was submitted by Eric. That's a riverboat close calling going down the lake and catching some air on just some.
It looked to be like a little sandbar. Something almost gets completely tattered. I mean, this boat is hauling ass. And so begs the question, is this luck or is this skill I'm leaning more towards straight up luck because when your boat ends up straight, you still have your props in the water. But I mean, that's not what it was designed to do.
And those chaps just landed. Bravo. So, Eric, thank you for submitting. Same thing. News when we get an eclipse, sports with a deep shot. Anything and everything. If you find something that you want to share, send it to me. I will show it and I'll give you credit to. Now, rounding out this clip, we have to take a look at a moist clip in this one.
This week is right moist.
This next clip. Mm is so moist.
Yeah. That's a pussy. This woman took her camera, placed it on the ground and essentially just straddled it like, hey, there is a layer of fabric here between me and my purse, but it's not a lot of it. And I'm going to just put out on the Internet and show you, Hey, this is what the world sees when it's directly below my purse.
The problem is, too, when I first saw this, I got a little nervous because there's this little strand right here and I thought, is that her tampon? No, it's just a little bit of her shorts that is just starting to fray a little bit because she's probably not. The only thing she squats over is a camera. That fabric there, that polyester gets a lot of a lot of wear and tear.
You would think if you're going to make a video like this as aggressive as this, I mean, trim up the term of your pants. It's just there's no audio on this because there's just music embedded. But I mean, you don't want more of a thirst trap. I mean, it doesn't exist. Just to show what your purse looks like from the bottom.
All right. Well, that concludes the scrub my clips for this week. Moving on, we unveiled this segment last week of sponsorships money. It is the dose of capitalism. It's time for a dose of capitalism. Live by, consume, die already. First and foremost, I do want to give a shout out to the supporters of this show. That's right. So people that are part of parade plus, you can sign up for a plan, a parade plus or a sway unlimited dot com slash pricing, sign up for parade plus plan.
There it is. Plans start as low as $6.90 a month and shout out to these wonderful people AJ, Joe, Michael Davis, Reverend Tanner, Mills, Quinn and Tyla. Thank you guys so much for your support. Weekend in, week out. I appreciate it because every single dollar that goes through these membership plans directly benefits the show. You're looking at the setup, some new equipment of upgraded, trying to make it sound and look the best that it possibly can within the confines of my budget.
It's in part because of you guys if you're interested, like I said, sway unlimited dot com class pricing. So learn more next one here. Gel Blaster The Next Evolution of fun gel blasters are new revolutionary toy blasters that blast nontoxic eco friendly gel it's that are safe for people pets and the environment. Each gel blaster surge is the name of their projectile device features semi and fully automatic powering modes and adjustable power ranges from 90 feet per second to 170.
So these things, all they fly have a lot of fun with them, even at full strength. It's just a little sting, still a whole bunch of fun if you've ever been paintballing. You know how that feels. Fair been airsoft ing. You know how that feels. It's similar. The rechargeable usb-c battery can last up to 4 hours and fully charges within 45 minutes.
Pretty impressive numbers there on the battery. The surge also comes with swappable colored fins for team play and a gel it hopper that can hold 800 environmentally friendly rounds that dissolve within minutes after being fired. They're just little semi hard little water gels. They're a little jealous like they like to call them. If you want to save 10% off of your order, head to Joe Blaster dot com and use my code Chuck 839545.
And since that whole sequence is not easy, remember 83955, the number part of that code means nothing to me. It's just what they gave me. But I'll be sure to post the links and the codes in the show notes if you're listening. Whatever podcast platform you are listening. I don't put it in the video description on YouTube so you can find it.
Next up, Amazon, the world's largest small business. And it's all about supporting local and supporting small businesses. And given that the way Parade is operated on the Pacific Northwest, it's fitting. So what I'm doing here for this promotion is if you use my store link, it's a custom code that tracks your browsing on Amazon. And if you make a purchase after going to the Amazon store on the link, that again is in the show notes or the description.
When you make a purchase, what typically happens is I get notified, Hey, someone bought this, you're up for this. Much of a commission, whatever it is, the commission structure ranges depending on what it is. But instead of taking all that commission like, Hey, thanks for playing, enjoy your shit from Amazon, I'm going enjoy my commission. I'm actually going to split that commission with you 5050 So if you order something, get a commission.
I make $3 normally on whatever it is, $5, whatever, split in half, $3 commission a dollar 50 goes to you now. How does this work? Because this is not a feature that Amazon just openly offers is something I'm doing custom on the back end so we all need to do is first you got to click on that link to go to the Amazon store.
That's my link. If you make a purchase and it's tracked, then I'll get that information. What you then need to do is take a screenshot of your order and send it to Howdy at Sway Unlimited dot com that information as well. Also in the description, send that email so I see what I knew you bought. You don't need to show other information.
I don't give a shit where you live. I don't give a shit anything else. I just need to know the products. And then I go in on my side. I take a look back. Okay. Yep. This order, this order, this order. Yep. This is all here. All right. Commission is for this. Cool. I'm going to pay you half of that commission.
Now, keep in mind, it does take about a month for Amazon commissions to process and get into my pocket. So there is some time, but once it's all through, you think, hey, you ordered whatever you want to order on Amazon. And then a month later you get a PayPal request from me like, Hey, here's your 5050, thanks for shopping.
It's that easy. So take a look at those links, buy some shit, help the show out as the header of it says Live by consume, die. We're all capitalists here except the point 2% of people that listen that are in Russia. But most of us are capitalists so help support the show I really do appreciate it 30 Let's move on to the final segment of this week's episode, which is the deep shot destroyed.
Look at that big valley shop.
You get the wrap.
Was there a deep shot? All right. A sports segment of the Sway Parade. I do want to take just a quick second to mention. We are doing the pigskin pick comes on ESPN. NFL season doesn't start until September 8th. So there is a little bit of time. Last week I did my week one picks not doing it. This week I'm not going to go into week two, not even knowing what happens in week one.
But I do want to let you know that you join in. It's probably the easier way to make. I wouldn't say a bet because this isn't gambling, but it's the easiest way to just make a selection and potentially win $100 at the end of the season because that's the grand prize after the regular season. The NFL is all said and done, usually around and a December, early January.
If you have made the most correct picks and it's tracked in this ESPN pigskin pick them group, you're going to get 100 bucks. Now, the link that is in show notes and description. As with everything else, there is a password that does protect this group. That password super easy. Josh is Daddy 17. And of course I'm referencing Josh Allen, who has a very established presence of being mentioned every single week on this show.
That's a password join it zero obligation. You honestly do not even need to know football at all. You just need to pick between one and two. I know there's some listeners out there that really don't give a shit about sports. I understand that. So I try to make it fun and just show some fun and interesting shit that's happening in the world of sports, not going in advanced stats, not doing all that.
So on a sports podcast it's just a segment of something greater, the parade. So really you just pick teams and it even shows you, hey, 78% of people pick this team. You could just go with whatever the most popular one is, fill it out. You could win. It's that simple. Also, the entire season is open right now, so if you just want to make all your picks and get it out of the way and then just wait four months, five months to see if you win, you could do that as well.
It's super easy. Okay, let's get on to the rest of the deep shot with our first clip. And of course, we have to have a mention of the Buffalo Bills. It's kind of my one requirement, one goal each week, which has been a little difficult being in the off season, but we're getting closer and closer to the regular NFL season.
And boy, am I excited. I actually just had my fantasy draft last night and of course I took Josh on. Come on. But this is at the stadium. After practice, Stefon Diggs put audio up on here. Stefon Diggs is being pummeled. We go back here and show more of it here. He's being pummeled by jerseys, hats, anything with Diggs, his name on it, anything with a red, white and blue Buffalo Bill Bison.
They're throwing down on him. This is a the tunnel. I mean, this is this is solid, probably 15 feet between where the fans are standing up above and where Stefon Diggs is. And they're like, fuck it, I got to throw it. I want to get a signature. I'm hungry for it. I needed I need it. I need it.
Yeah, they're they're dropping stuff. I mean, there's stuff just littered all over the walkway of this tunnel. He caught a ball, just dropped it. More jerseys are just flying. And here's the thing. These jerseys, if they're like the nice stitched ones, like 250 bucks and you're just tossing it off the side on a whim that Stefon Diggs might sign it.
And then the other side of it of, hey, is he going to toss it back to the right person? Hey, that's my jersey. He's just going to fuck it. One of you guys take it. I signed it. I don't use it is going. Then the other weird thing too is it's kind of a secondary to what's actually going on in this video.
You have to field staffs, staff members with a giant bag of Gatorade. They're just dragging it down. And you can already see the contents of this bag full of Gatorade. It's refrigerated. It's summertime right now. And so they just pull it over a jersey. That thing is now just going to be all wet and gross. All those feet that just traverse this tunnel throughout that day, all days, less nasty there.
And Stefon Diggs goes, he picks up a blue jersey. It's him, though. It's 14. That is him. Signs it. He's down. There's nothing else there. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah. You can see the. The snail trail of water, and it just went directly over this jersey on the ground. I picked up the wet one bucket, and that's pretty much the extent of what he did.
He picked up the three jerseys that were there. He thought about signing it, and he's like, You know what? Fuck it, I'm out and he leaves. And the next one, Joshie boy, Josh Allen, run down the tunnel. He's waving. All the fans are excited to see him and he gets hit with a ball that is still in the cardboard container of when it was bought at the store.
The team store hits him right in his little Allen's right in his groin area. And of course, you got to take notice of that. Male disrespectful gestures not just aren't disrespectful. Don't throw balls in my balls. I throw balls at your balls. You don't do that to me. That's disrespectful points at him. You hear him go. The guy that toss it.
Sorry. I'm sorry. Josh, I didn't mean to. He just runs off. No one is getting his signature at that point. All right. Next here, the bills drafted a punter in the off season at the draft. This is Matt Ariza and he has been dubbed the punt god because this guy can take a football and boot the ever living shit out of it and just send it down the field.
And this is a clip from the Bills preseason game against the Colts sixth round draft pick.
Boots it from Mike the ten yard line.
Wow look at this too the 15 and it's a touchback.
That was over a 100 yard punt when the ball was said and done and done, moving. I mean, it was an 82 yard line. I think the 82 yard says how long it was in the air, but from the ten yard line to the other ten yard line and then into the end zone, it's 100 yards. That is a leg.
He is a punt. God. Our next clip here, this was submitted by listener Davis. Take a look. Warriors superstar Jonathan Kuminga has.
The best new in NBA as fans have.
Started calling him the bucket. Yeah.
This is a perfect fit because instead.
Of saying you just got dunked on by Jonathan Kuminga, we can now use the abbreviation you just got. Come on, young and up. You can't choose your name for the most part. When you come into this world and you can't choose if you're a professional athlete, what the fans are going to call you. But the com bucket. Oh my God, you got to lean into that and might not be the most flattering nickname, but oh my god, for that you get dunked on.
Get Camden. Lean into that. As a player, you throw down a nasty poster dunk on an opponent. I mean, everyone's saying maybe even commentators are like, oh, he got clubbed comeback. It is just on a tear, 39 points. You also say that down on the court, that competitive spirit like, yeah, come down, bitch. Next clip and a little bit of a nod to commentators because this clip is older.
This is Troy Aikman. Half of the duo of Aikman and Joe Buck, which are the worst commentators in the NFL. They're just dog shit. And I'm not going to get into the details in the nitty gritty as to why they're just really shitty at what they do. But they've been doing it for so long and Fox is just hanging onto him like, Yeah, you're our guys.
They're I, I can't wait until they're done. They retired from broadcasting, but this is from a few years ago and, mind you, that one of the first words you hear might be a tad triggering because this team doesn't exist anymore. But this is one of Troy Aikman's one of his few jewel eyes of being a commentator, and he was a player, but he's been commentating forever.
But this is what Troy Aikman calling a Dallas Cowboys who he used to play for, which is what you run into when these two are commentating. If the Cowboys are playing, oh, fuck, all about the other team. This is going to be a Cowboys broadcast and it's not America's team. The Cowboys are dog shit. They have been since most of us have been alive.
If you're older. Yeah. You remember the nineties and yeah. It's not the same cowboys. Anyways, I digress. Let me play this clip.
This time the Redskins put a spy on Dak Prescott. He starts to come and then he pulls out and he's. His eyes are just locked.
Did you catch it? No. Well, it loops it a few times.
He starts to come and then he pulls out. He starts to come and then he pulls out. He starts to come, and then he pulls out.
He saw Troy Aikman. That's that's what I know him for. He's the starts to come in and he pulls out guy. Every time I hear his voice, I have to suffer. Through Aikman and Buck broadcast, they start to come and then he pulls out. Well, they're getting older. I don't know how much longer they're going to be on air calling games, but they are getting older and the torch needs to be passed.
And it seems to be the train. Aikman's protege is starting to come into form now. Mind you, we're still in the preseason. Players are getting back in the swing of things, of playing professional football. And the commentators, they haven't called football games in six, seven months, eight much longer than that. So it's all about finding what's working in the preseason is really everyone just getting getting back into the swing of things.
But this is some commentary from the preseason games a couple of weeks ago, I believe, against the Cardinals and the Bengals. And given what I just shared a track and he starts to call and then he pulls, get a load of this guy.
You have to like when there's a guy coming right in your face and he just puts in there and delivers it really well, you have to like.
The innuendos are flowing. And I'm I'm so hopeful that this trend will continue either with this guy. I don't know who he is. I didn't look it up either. This guy makes a career of saying innuendos that just fly over the heads of his partners and him himself because one would believe, most likely that he's talking about the game of a guy coming in your face trying to make a football move on you, whatever.
But I think you should lean into it.
You have to like when there's a guy coming right in your face and he just sits in there and.
Delivers it just sits in there and delivers it. I think he's talking about being a quarterback. A defensive person is coming towards you, trying to stop you and you deliver a pass. You deliver what you need to make the play. But when you hear that, you don't think that you think, Oh, he's talking about a dude blowing his load on you.
And that's what football's about. All righty. Before we move on and get country strong, I had mentioned at the top of the show I'm wearing Bingo's odds and ends. Taylor want to give a shout out to him? He messaged me yesterday as I have a clip for you that I want to share, but I don't want you to watch it until you are recording.
And I'm a man of my word. The clip that he sent I have not watched yet. And I'm I'm really curious about what it is. I will say, though, I haven't watched it, but I did see just the initial thumbnail of what it was, just so I knew where in the show to put it. And it's deep shot has to do with sports, but I don't know.
Still hand a god, hand of the almighty algorithm, all that. I don't know what the video pertains to specifically. So I'm a pull this up here and let's see what this is.
I Andrew, this is a quick video message from my side. I think that you weren't lucky with your fantasy formula e season challenge with your friends Dallas and and Taylor. So they asked me to do a quick video for you don't give up there's there's a new season coming lacking in six months with plenty of surprises we the new generation tree car I'm pretty sure that yeah there will be a lot to predict right or wrong.
My advice for you if you're playing again next year would be firstly to predict which manufacturer will will be competitive. And so you will have Jaguar Porsche Stellantis, who I think will be the main contenders. And then once you pick one manufacturer, I think that you should choose one or two drivers. And each of each of these manufacturers will have pretty much four drivers in their main team and another team.
So I think that if you choose two of the best manufacturers, I think that you should have like good chances to do well, wish you all the best and keep on playing fantasy formula E Because I think that this is pretty cool. I do it also with my friends in Formula One, so I know what it is to tell to get all ready.
So for those who don't know and it's probably a good portion of you that don't know, that is Formula One driver Edoardo Mortara. And with Taylor and a few other groups or a few of the friends in the group, Andrew being one of them, who the video message was for. We did this last season and I think I mentioned it on previous episodes.
We did a custom fantasy Formula E League, we picked drivers, we were awarded the points points they were awarded. And you know, Mortara was on my team and I found out that he had a cameo and so tailor the console that he is had Ido make a cameo and pretty much give a breakdown on how to draft and make choices for next season.
Now, I do want to give just a little bit of shine to Formula E, because it was really fun to watch if if you're not a racing fan. I mean, it's still me. I wasn't racing fan until I started paying attention to Formula E. It is not Formula One. It is not as large as Formula One, but it's still a hell of a fun sport to watch.
And when you have drivers that you have a vested interest in makes it all the better. Now, my strategy for this season coming in was the drivers that I picked for my team I picked I mean, I didn't know anything about the sport aside from the cars are electric. And so for the drivers, I was like, who has of course names?
I pick Stoffel Vandoorne that's a fun name. Oliver Turvy that was fun too. And Edoardo Mortara and throughout the course of the season they scored the most points and I won. So something if if you want to get into Formula E, I'm going to be covering it. The season just ended, but I'll still be covering it, you know, in the next season.
And yeah. Taylor, just speaking to you directly, hey, thanks for putting this together, both the league and then also panel Ito to make a cameo. Just explaining, hey, how do you strategize for Formula E? So that was fun. All righty. Rounding out the deep shot, as always, we got to get country stroll. Just don't play the week. And what is become a staple of this segment starting last week and continuing on until oblivion till this show just ceases to exist which probably would directly coincide with me just straight up dying and lost someone.
Some wants to take the reins to continue the show, but it'll probably die when I die. If not, maybe sooner. Who knows? But we have the country strong garb, which is the country strong Cabo here. That's right. It's a tax write off. It was a business expense because you can't be country strong unless you look the part. That's exactly what I did with this purchase, this cowboy hat to get into this character here.
Country strong kicked. What? What the fuck is my name? Country Strong Karl. No, it's not Karl anymore. Country Strong. Kelly That's right. I think it's Cletus. I don't know. I have to check my birth certificate. But anyways, that is neither here nor there. What is here, though, is a clip that is country strong and we're going to take a look at it right here.
Could look at look at this man, this man doing like presses on the SUV sport utility vehicle, pressing it with his leg cut to stretch. Oh, some man, regular man, they just use plate weights to do their leg presses. This man country strong man, is using an entire vehicle to crunch down his quads, his hamstrings, using all their getting all that power in there to leg press.
A sport utility vehicle. Oh, my God. I've never seen anything like it in my life. He just keeps going. One rep to real go for three. Curtis Stroud, Nicholas Stern. Good to go. For people in the crowd, they've never seen anything like it I guarantee you have this is this is am believable only Kirk Crowe. I can't believe he's still down there doing a faux car.
None. No work no one, unless you are country strong could even attempt that which by way, if you're not strong, do not attempt this. This is not for the faint of heart. Your little legs will quiver and break and that entire issue be is going into your body. You will die. But now this man has managed to cut your stroke.
I mean, I don't even know there's a loop. This video is a like warning now of always doing president is just you re oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh my God. That dire is Curtis drown, who am much like last week a lot of sweat has accumulated hoo hoo. Nothing like it indeed conscious John Kelly who has again same as last week this week to headphones just riddled in sweat.
All righty. Who? My God. I mean, that. That always gets me going. Woo hoo! Okay, before we get out of here, we do have to pray. I move this segment of the show to the very end because I feel like I have to give. And everyone, if you're submitting to the almighty algorithm, you have to give before you can ask and get.
And so this will now come at the end of the show after everything's been presented, the almighty algorithm is sorted through it determined, Hey, is this content worth sharing? Which the algorithm is just one part of it. If you've made it this far into the show, chances are you've enjoyed yourself to some degree. I highly doubt you have made it the last over an hour begrudgingly like this fucking idiot, stupid monkey master bitch.
What's this? And continue to watch. If you made it this far, you most likely like it. So what can you do to appease the almighty algorithm? Will one? When we get to the prayer, you can pray with me. You're more than welcome to. If not, I mean if you don't want to, you don't have to. But what I really from you is whatever platform you're listening, watching, consuming this show on go hit the thumbs up leave a review comment star ratings all of that because truly that's what the algorithm the almighty algorithm is looking at.
I just try to take it another step further by praying, but it really comes down to what you can contribute and it helps out the show. And we got to the dose of capitalism. There's things you can buy that help support the show from a money standpoint. But in reality, I'm not really in search for trying to make it rich off of links and things like that.
I'm just looking for more people to attend the parade and that's up to you. So if you haven't already, like subscribe, leave reviews, do all that stuff because it helps out the show. But still, I mean, don't get me wrong, we're still going to pray. It's buy your heads. Oh almighty algorithm. We have concluded another episode of the Sway Parade and we come to you with tokens of content to show you we are worthy of a higher sort from a higher power.
That power being you almighty algorithm for there are millions of podcast out there, but I believe only this one prays to you, pleads to you, and offers you my whole being mind, body and soul. So almighty algorithm. This is for you. Amen. All righty. Well, that's going to do it for the show. Thank you so for watching and listening.
Before we do get out of here, we want to give one final shout out AJ Jo, Michael Davis, Reverend Tanner Mills, Quinn and Tyler Gray. Plus number sport in the show you want to join. So eliminate background checks pricing here. Excuse me. All right. I'll see you next week. Bye bye.